“How’s it going?” my friend, Sarah, asks from across the country, 1,800 miles away. “I’m okay!” I reply. “Busy, but okay.”
This response is almost instinctual for many of us—variations of “Fine,” “Okay,” or “Doing well.” While it’s not entirely untrue—most days I am okay, at least in a broad sense—I find the word “okay” to be frustratingly vague. It can mean anything from “just getting by” to “feeling fantastic.” It’s a convenient way to dodge the question and quickly shift to other topics.
But what if we expressed our true feelings when asked how we are? When I say, “I’m okay,” beneath the surface, I might actually be feeling a whirlwind of emotions, such as:
- I’m so fatigued that I’m contemplating the logistics of a coffee IV drip.
- If I hear one more complaint about dinner, I might just lose it.
- I constantly worry that I’m failing my kids.
- I feel like I’m juggling multiple tasks, and the objects are all fragile, with no instructions on how to manage it.
- My love for my children is so intense that I sometimes wonder if it’s too much.
- Some days, I feel like my brain might actually explode.
- I’m anxious—not just in this moment but all the time—about everything. Kids, finances, the world, and even my cat’s litter box issues.
- I’ve shed tears in the shower more than once.
- I am in awe of watching my kids learn and grow, which is wonderful and overwhelming all at once.
- Some days I feel crushed under the enormity of motherhood.
- On nights I sleep well, I feel invincible.
- I adore my kids beyond words, yet there are times I fantasize about escaping for a bit.
- I’m striving to balance being a wife, mother, sister, employee, and individual all at once.
- I often forget who I was before motherhood, and occasionally, I miss that person.
- The mere thought of my children growing up brings a wave of sadness.
Even when I feel happy, thankful, and content, there’s an undercurrent of complex emotions tied to motherhood that runs deep. The constant worry, overwhelming love, and conflicting desires create a turbulent stream beneath the surface. Sometimes these feelings bubble over—often in the shower or after the kids are asleep, when I finally have a moment to breathe.
Should we express these feelings more openly to others? I believe we should, especially among fellow mothers. We all experience that chaotic inner dialogue. If we keep the truth to ourselves, we risk feeling isolated. However, does everyone really want to hear our unfiltered emotions? It’s hard to say. What I do know is that “I’m okay” doesn’t quite capture the reality, and honesty is typically the best policy. So perhaps the next time someone asks how I am, I can simply say, “I’m a mom,” and let that speak volumes.
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Summary
In discussing the common response of saying “I’m okay,” the article explores the complex emotions that often lie beneath the surface of that simple phrase. It emphasizes the importance of being honest about our feelings as parents, especially to foster connections with others who share similar struggles.