During my childhood, the phrase “it takes a village” was a common refrain. As a young girl, I interpreted this as a reminder that neighbors and friends’ parents had the authority to correct my misbehavior, and I was expected to heed their guidance. However, my husband provided a fresh perspective on this adage, imparting a valuable lesson to both me and our children.
My husband, a tall and strong black man, was raised by a determined single mother in a challenging urban environment during the late 20th century. She was a fierce protector, instilling in him the values of integrity and strong character. As an adult, he commands respect with his presence, often appearing intimidating to those around him.
Our family moved into a townhouse adjacent to a neighborhood park, where I quickly noticed a group of boys, aged 8 to 12, who frequented the area. Over time, I became increasingly aware of their inappropriate language, culminating in an incident where I felt compelled to intervene after hearing one boy’s inappropriate remarks. My attempts to correct their behavior were met with eye rolls and laughter as I ushered my children indoors.
As spring approached, the boys returned to the park, coinciding with a birthday party for my youngest child. After my daughter and her friends had played, the boys approached our fence to return a toy that had been left behind. My husband instructed the boys to wait while he retrieved something from the house.
When he returned, the boys appeared apprehensive, unsure of what to expect from him. Taking advantage of the moment, he introduced himself as Mr. Johnson and commended them for their honesty in returning the toy instead of keeping it for themselves. He handed a bag of candy to one of the boys, encouraging them to share it among themselves.
He then candidly spoke to them about the importance of respect, especially in front of my family. “I understand what it’s like to test boundaries,” he said. The boys listened attentively, nodding and responding with “Yes, sir” and “Okay, Mr. Johnson.” Afterward, he wished them a good evening and returned to our home.
Later that day, I was surprised to find the boys at my door, proudly holding my daughter’s toy that they had retrieved from a high branch in a tree. They expressed their joy at having helped and asked me to pass along their thanks to Mr. Johnson. I couldn’t help but wonder if this act of kindness stemmed from his earlier conversation with them.
While it’s often easy to focus on reprimanding children for their misdeeds, it’s equally important to acknowledge and reinforce positive behavior. By treating these boys with respect and using a moment of good conduct as a teaching opportunity, my husband made a lasting impression on them—one that could influence their behavior as they grow into adulthood.
This is how a community can play a vital role in nurturing respectful and compassionate children.
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Summary
This article discusses the importance of community in parenting, highlighting a personal experience where a father’s respectful engagement with neighborhood boys led to positive behavior changes. It emphasizes the value of recognizing good actions and fostering a supportive environment for children.