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What About Me?
Updated: July 29, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 31, 2015
“I love you,” I call out as I close the door behind my teenage daughter.
“I love you,” she replies nonchalantly before jumping into the car waiting outside. I watch her drive away, a pang of longing washing over me as I turn away from the window, even though part of me wishes to remain there until she returns—like a devoted pet left alone at home. The house is quiet.
Once, having an empty house was a rare treat. I would sink into the couch with a book and a steaming cup of coffee, savoring the rare tranquility. Now, though, my daughter is a teenager, eager for independence and less reliant on me for guidance and support. My well-meant advice is often met with the signature eye-roll that seems to be the hallmark of adolescence.
It’s frustrating. I dedicated so much time and energy to parenting. When people of my generation finally settled down, we embraced parenthood as if it were a competitive sport. We hovered, intervened, documented every milestone, and intertwined our identities with those of our children in ways that were unimaginable for past generations.
And now, it feels like that chapter has closed. What once seemed like an endless journey through toddler tantrums has reached a definitive pause, leaving me to ponder what comes next.
“What about me?” I want to yell each time my daughter heads out, but I refrain, managing to exercise a bit of common sense amid the self-pity. Life isn’t going to revert to the “normal” I crave, and I must heed the advice of exasperated teens everywhere: I need to find my own path.
To kick-start this new phase, I began exploring how other women cope as their children transition into adulthood. Much of what I discovered focused on leading quieter, more introspective lives, often delving into discussions about weight gain and menopause. I’m aware I’m supposed to lament the impending empty nest and the inevitable march of time.
And yes, I do feel all of that.
Yet, my feelings are layered: less about reflection and more about restlessness. A bubbling excitement stirs within me at the thought of embracing this unexpected opportunity to embark on a new chapter of life.
While I recognize the possibility that I may be in denial, I’m eager to dive into new experiences—literally, I’ve always wanted to try SCUBA diving. The prospect of traveling in the fall and winter without having to consider school breaks thrills me, as does the idea of enjoying dinner with my partner without constantly checking the clock for my daughter’s return from activities. After years of focusing inward on family life, I’m ready to lift my gaze and explore the world again.
Yes, it’s bittersweet when our kids leave home, but many of us are still relatively young. Once we adjust to the quietness of an empty house, I believe we’ll become a vibrant force for good, embracing fun and adventure; we can’t simply spend our lives reminiscing about the past or fretting over our weight. This is our chance to pursue the dreams we postponed while raising our families—we’ll scale mountains, swim with dolphins, and perhaps even change the world.
I feel like I’ve evolved from my younger self, and I hope I’ve gleaned wisdom along the way. Parenting has been a transformative experience, smoothing out some of my rough edges and reducing my arrogance. I have a clearer sense of myself and am less swayed by the pressures of the outside world than I once was. Adulthood has fostered a sense of independence and diminished my fear of failure, which bodes well for my future.
I also understand that I might find myself in tears after my daughter leaves. No one ever claimed that an empty nest would be devoid of complexities.
As my daughter stretches her wings, ready to embrace the world, I hover nearby, anxious about potential dangers while knowing she must take flight. My own wings may be weathered, yet on good days, I feel capable of soaring into the vast expanse of life once more.
“I love you,” I’ll whisper as she departs, and then I’ll see just what my seasoned wings can accomplish.
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Summary:
Navigating the transition to an empty nest can be challenging and bittersweet for parents, especially as their children seek independence. While feelings of sadness and fear of the unknown are common, this phase also presents an exciting opportunity for personal growth and adventure. Embracing new experiences and rediscovering oneself can lead to a fulfilling next chapter, as parents learn to lift their gaze and explore the world beyond family life.