“Oh, I can’t have you over,” fellow moms often lament. “My house is a disaster.” The moment I step in for a playdate, I hear, “Please don’t judge; it’s a wreck. No, really, it’s chaotic. I’m so embarrassed.”
These are just tall tales.
When I enter the home of the apologetic mom, I can’t decide whether to laugh or roll my eyes. Seriously? Your home is not messy; it’s pristine. You have neatly arranged guest towels, and the toys are confined to a rug that’s crumb-free. Sippy cups—what’s that? They’re safely tucked away in the kitchen. Play-Doh? Not a chance, and your dog doesn’t shed. Claiming your house is dirty suggests a misunderstanding of the realities of parenting, a hidden desire to make me feel guilty, or perhaps a plea for affirmation. Probably all of the above. Let’s face it—when you have small kids, some mess is inevitable. I have three boys under five, so I know.
To all the moms who insist their spotless homes are messy, and to those who shy away from hosting playdates because the level of cleanliness feels unachievable, let’s establish some truths.
Normal:
A designated room in your home is perpetually cluttered and messy. For me, it’s the dining room, adorned with my great-grandmother’s cherry dining set. Art supplies, sewing projects, and even train tracks find their home there, completely obscuring any trace of fine woodwork. This room gets a clean-up for special occasions, but otherwise, it’s off-limits to any judgmental gaze.
Normal:
Laundry is everywhere. As of now, I have five clean baskets in the laundry room, blocking the fridge and probably creating a fire hazard. One basket is in the master bedroom. Who knows what’s in the dryer or washer? But we’re laundry heroes this week—no dirty clothes in sight! There’s a relative of mine who once hid her kids’ Christmas gift—a snake—under a pile of laundry for two weeks. Talk about a laundry champ!
Normal:
Your sink is overflowing with dishes, and so is your dishwasher. You might even have a full table and counter, making it impossible to find a clean spoon. So, you resort to using a teaspoon for your cereal.
Normal:
Bath toys are strewn about, exactly where the kids left them after bath time. And let’s be honest, we don’t even want to look behind that shower curtain.
Normal:
Toys are scattered throughout your house, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to get them all picked up. True story: I’ve discovered those pesky ball-pit balls in my washer, my yard, and wedged between car seats.
Normal:
Cups, cups, and more cups—everywhere. Somehow, we survived childhood in the ’80s with a single Tupperware sippy cup, but in the 2010s, my kids can’t seem to function without a cup in hand, which they leave all over the house.
Normal:
Your bathroom might need a fresh coat of paint due to toddler art damage. Let’s not even discuss the pen marks on the walls that you haven’t had time to erase.
Normal:
You can’t see your car floor due to fast-food wrappers, spare diapers, and dirty cups.
Normal:
You forgot trash day—again. The garbage can is overflowing, and the recycling bin is overflowing, but you’re still winning if you managed to get the trash out of your house!
Normal:
Dust has probably settled in your home since your parents last visited. I think I own Pledge somewhere—don’t look at the upper shelves!
Normal:
Some part of your house is in disrepair, and it’s been that way for longer than you’d care to admit. My oldest son has never seen us use the master bath shower—he’s four! I thought this was a huge deal until I talked to other moms. Turns out, many of us share this reality!
So, there you have it. Either your home is truly immaculate, and you should stop apologizing, or you can let go of any shame and start hosting those playdates. We’re all in this together. I promise not to peek into your messy dining room if you don’t peek into mine.
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Summary
In essence, the idea of a “normal” home is filled with clutter, laundry, and toys, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Whether it’s a messy dining room, overflowing laundry baskets, or a car that resembles a landfill, most families share these realities. Instead of hiding homes from friends, it’s time to embrace the messiness of life with kids and enjoy those playdates.