One of my close friends recently welcomed a new baby, and I felt compelled to discuss postpartum depression without coming across as intrusive. We have a strong bond, but I know that like myself, she tends to overanalyze things. I didn’t want to plant any worries in her mind during such a tumultuous time.
Let’s be honest—postpartum depression isn’t the easiest topic to broach. However, if you genuinely care for your friends, it’s crucial to address this issue. Our conversation began with her experiences as a new mom: sleepless nights, the joys (and struggles) of breastfeeding, and those oh-so-charming mesh diapers. Eventually, I asked her about her mental health, and we ended up discussing the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies the postpartum period for what felt like hours.
It’s undeniably tough. While not every mother experiences it the same way, my own journey into motherhood and postpartum life was significantly more challenging than I had anticipated after my first baby.
During pregnancy, everyone warns you about how drastically life will change and advises you to “sleep while you can.” But those words barely resonate until you find yourself awake every hour for weeks—or even months—on end.
For nine months, you dream of holding your little one, envisioning their warmth against your chest and their fresh baby scent. Yet, reality can sometimes clash painfully with those expectations. The world has high demands of new mothers, all while emotions and hormones are in flux, bodies are aching, babies are crying, and you may be tethered to a breast pump. It’s overwhelming, to say the least.
In those early days, when well-meaning friends frequently ask, “Isn’t it just the best being a mom?” it can lead you to feel as if something is wrong when your emotions don’t align with societal expectations. If you’re honest about your struggles, people often dismiss them as mere “baby blues,” assuming it’s just a phase due to lack of sleep.
But let’s not forget that postpartum depression can affect up to 15% of new mothers, so it’s imperative we dig deeper. We need to genuinely inquire about how new moms are feeling and listen to their responses without projecting our own experiences onto them.
In my case, I battled with feelings of inadequacy, grappling with postpartum depression, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts. My mother had a limited understanding of what I was experiencing since she hadn’t faced PPD herself, and I kept much of my struggle hidden from her. The conversations about mental health were far less common back then, making me feel isolated.
I became fixated on cleanliness, washing my hands excessively until they cracked and bled. I developed irrational fears about home security, convinced that baby-snatchers were lurking outside. Sleep eluded me, making everything worse. Intrusive thoughts would flash through my mind, like, “What if I dropped the baby?”—thoughts that seemed completely foreign to me before motherhood.
Overall, I felt low and weighed down by constant stress. I loved being a mom, yet the anxiety and obsessive thinking overshadowed my joy, leaving me doubting my worth. I wanted to confide in my doctor but hesitated to share the full extent of my feelings. While I trusted him wholeheartedly, I feared being seen as a bad mother due to my anxious thoughts when I was supposed to be thrilled about motherhood.
I longed to confide in friends and even my husband, but nobody ever directly asked about my mental health when I desperately wished they would. What I needed was for someone to be candid about their own struggles, to reassure me that I wasn’t alone and that I wasn’t failing.
Now, I’m committed to asking those tough questions and being open about my past experiences with postpartum depression. If just one mother had reached out to me during my struggles, I might not have felt so alone. On the outside, I appeared to be the ideal new mom, but inside, I was battling significant mental health challenges.
If you’re dealing with similar feelings, reach out to a healthcare professional. Don’t suffer in silence as I did. They are equipped to help, and there is no shame in seeking the support you and your baby deserve. When a friend has a newborn, ask the difficult questions with compassion. Because sometimes, it’s far more than just the baby blues. It can be postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, or even psychosis, none of which diminish a mother’s worth.
I didn’t just have the baby blues; I faced postpartum depression, and I am still a loving mom to my children.
In summary, we must be willing to engage in meaningful conversations about the mental health challenges that accompany motherhood. By asking the hard questions, we can help new moms feel seen and supported during this transformative time.