We Stopped Drinking, and It Transformed Our Marriage

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I had been a sober, recovering alcoholic for a decade when my husband, Mark, quietly had his last drink. I remained unaware for two weeks. One evening, while dining at one of our favorite restaurants known for its extensive wine list, he surprised me by ordering only water. I was taken aback. He said it was time for a change.

That single decision has significantly strengthened our relationship. When alcohol isn’t a factor, we find ourselves more connected than ever.

Our Drinking History

In the early days of our relationship, drinking was at the forefront of everything we did. We would meet for post-work cocktails, spend evenings on the back patio with beers, and share bottles of wine during dinners out. Honestly, I’m not sure we shared many interests that didn’t revolve around drinking. We hailed from different cities and were brought up in distinct religious backgrounds. He was six years my senior, attending college while I was still in elementary school. Our tastes rarely aligned—he preferred sports while I gravitated towards gossip magazines. Our only common ground was our mutual love for a cold beer. Yet, we pushed on.

Once we tied the knot, our drinking habits escalated. What started as special occasions turned into nightly rituals—wine after a long day and celebratory drinks on Fridays. I began to realize my drinking was spiraling out of control, frequently arriving at work nursing a hangover. I found myself reaching for beers at least four nights a week, likely more, which took a toll on my wellbeing.

The Turning Point

After becoming pregnant, I abstained for nine months. However, I fell back into old habits shortly after my son’s birth. When I became pregnant again just months after his first birthday, I finally quit for good. I went on to have four children, and I’m proud to say I haven’t consumed alcohol during three of their lives.

Meanwhile, Mark continued to drink, but his approach was more habitual than excessive. He would unwind with a beer after work or enjoy a glass of wine while watching TV. Initially, it didn’t bother me, but soon it began to. His drinking led to arguments, amplifying the worst sides of both of us.

Resentment grew as he enjoyed his drinks alone, while I retreated to the bedroom to escape the situation. We started living separate lives, resembling more of roommates than a married couple. Our Saturday nights often ended in disagreements; I dreaded being the designated driver while he indulged in pricey cocktails. What once felt acceptable turned into a source of anger for me. Our conflicts became a vicious cycle of insults and frustrations.

A Quiet Decision

There wasn’t a dramatic moment that prompted Mark to stop drinking; he simply made the choice quietly. He is not one for grand declarations; instead, he decides and commits to it. He recognized that his children and I deserved the best version of himself and, true to his character, he followed through.

Now, nearly two years later as a sober couple, our lives are remarkably better. Yes, we still have our disagreements—what couple doesn’t?—but they no longer stem from alcohol-related issues. Instead, we confront real challenges together. I am no longer nagging out of drunkenness, and he isn’t raising his voice due to intoxication. We are facing our true struggles head-on.

Improved Family Life

Our family life has improved, free from the haze of hangovers. We have the patience to engage with our children and focus on what brings us joy as a family instead of drinking.

I want to clarify: we don’t have an issue with others drinking; we have a drinking problem ourselves. We happily serve drinks at our gatherings, but we choose not to partake. Drinking around us is perfectly acceptable; we don’t judge or feel tempted. Many can enjoy a drink without issue, but we are not among them. I worry for my children, knowing that alcoholism runs in our family. I hope they choose wisely when the time comes.

I feel incredibly grateful that we didn’t let alcohol tear us apart. Instead, we chose to prioritize our relationship. I love Mark deeply, but I can honestly say that my love for him has only grown in the absence of alcohol. We raise our glasses—often filled with soda or coffee—and toast to saving our marriage.

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Conclusion

In summary, our decision to stop drinking has transformed our marriage for the better. We’ve learned to communicate more effectively and face challenges directly, leading to a more fulfilling family life without the complications of alcohol.