We Stopped Drinking, and It Strengthened Our Relationship

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After ten years of sobriety as a recovering alcoholic, I was surprised to find out that my husband, Ben, had his last drink in secret. It took two weeks for me to realize that during our dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, he had chosen water instead of wine. His decision to quit drinking marked a turning point for us.

Our Relationship with Alcohol

In the early days of our relationship, alcohol was a constant presence. We often met for drinks after work and spent late nights on his patio with beers in hand. Dinners out were almost always accompanied by wine. I began to wonder if we had anything in common beyond our mutual love for Budweiser, especially since we came from different backgrounds and interests.

Once we tied the knot, drinking became an everyday occurrence. A glass of wine to unwind after work or celebratory cocktails on weekends turned into a nightly habit. I recognized my drinking was spiraling out of control when I frequently showed up to work nursing a hangover. I was consuming beers at least four nights a week and it was taking a toll on my life.

When I became pregnant, I stopped drinking for nine months. However, after my son was born, I quickly returned to my old habits. It wasn’t until I became pregnant again, shortly after my first child’s first birthday, that I made a permanent change. Since then, I have been alcohol-free while raising my four children.

Ben’s Drinking Habits

Ben continued to drink, but his habits differed from mine. He wasn’t focused on getting drunk; instead, he drank out of routine. Returning home from work meant cracking open a beer or enjoying a glass of wine while watching TV. This behavior initially didn’t bother me until it started to create distance between us.

As I began to resent his drinking, we slowly drifted apart. I would retreat to our bedroom after putting the kids to bed, leaving him alone with his drinks and television. Our nights out often ended in arguments, with me becoming frustrated at the financial waste of his expensive drinks. Disagreements would escalate, leading to silence and resentment.

A Turning Point

There was no dramatic event that prompted Ben to stop drinking; he simply decided to do it quietly. He recognized that he owed it to our family to be the best version of himself.

Now, as we approach two years of sobriety together, our relationship has improved tremendously. We still have disagreements, but they are constructive rather than destructive. The issues we face now are genuine challenges we must navigate together. We are no longer burdened by the negative effects of alcohol.

Flourishing Family Life

Our family life has flourished without the haze of hangovers. We have the patience to enjoy our children and engage in activities we love as a family.

I want to emphasize that we don’t judge those who drink. We simply know that alcohol is a problem for us. We can host gatherings and serve drinks to our guests without feeling tempted. While I would be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about my children’s relationship with alcohol, I hope they make wise choices based on our experiences.

I feel incredibly fortunate that we chose to prioritize our marriage over alcohol. I love my husband even more without the influence of drinking in our lives. We celebrate our progress with non-alcoholic drinks, toasting to a stronger relationship.

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Summary

This article shares the transformative journey of Jamie and Ben, who found strength in their marriage after both abstained from alcohol. With their relationship thriving free from the negative influence of drinking, they emphasize the importance of facing real challenges together and prioritizing family life.