You can easily find parenting experts advocating the advantages of family dinners. They claim that gathering nightly at the dinner table enhances children’s academic performance, boosts mental health, and lowers the likelihood of depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse. The image of a joyful family sharing laughter and stories over dinner is so common that I spent years attempting to create that experience, often feeling like a failure when it didn’t work out.
However, I eventually recognized that the pressure to have family dinners is based on unrealistic expectations that don’t fit many families, including mine. I’ve let go of the guilt and embraced our unique routine that strays from the traditional family dinner.
Instead of sitting around the table, we break the unwritten rule and enjoy our meals on the couch in front of the TV. Gasp! Here’s the reason: it works for us.
We adopted this new routine during the early days of the pandemic. With our dining table transforming into a makeshift classroom and office, why force traditional dinners? So, we piled our plates and cozied up on the couch for some good old-fashioned TV time.
While proponents of “distraction-free family dinners” argue that this setup lacks meaningful connection, I believe otherwise. Our TV dinners have actually strengthened our bonds. With a teen and a nearly-teen at home, we now enjoy similar shows. This evening ritual provided something to look forward to amid the pandemic’s stresses.
Our dinnertime routine has continued to thrive, giving us not just daily anticipation but also new avenues for connection. Over the last couple of years, we’ve watched series like Friday Night Lights, New Girl, Never Have I Ever, The Office, Outer Banks, and Ted Lasso. Thanks to our routine, we now share inside jokes, tackle intricate plotlines, and engage in conversations about important topics like sex, racism, and alcohol consumption.
There are many reasons why traditional family dinners might not suit every family. Some parents work nights, kids may have evening sports or music lessons, and some simply prefer not to engage in forced conversations around the table. Each family has its own dynamics.
Regarding the benefits typically associated with family dinners—such as improved grades, self-esteem, and a lower risk of teen pregnancy and substance abuse—I believe there’s no universal solution. What truly matters is the connection within the family. It’s essential that we converse with our kids, especially teenagers, in ways that feel natural for all of us. Building a strong relationship ensures they can come to us when challenges arise.
Parenting has often focused on what we should do to raise successful and happy children, but less attention is given to enjoying our time with them. I’m more interested in fostering a close relationship over TV dinners than in enforcing traditional meals, even if that means potentially better grades. After all, isn’t the ultimate goal to cherish our time together?
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