Parenting Insights
By Melissa Taylor
Updated: August 25, 2020
Originally Published: March 6, 2016
Rocketclips, Inc. / iStock
This past Valentine’s Day, my partner and I decided to indulge in a pizza night. As we adjusted the highchair for our lively toddler and fastened the buckle around their wiggly frame, we exchanged knowing smiles and shared a laugh about the romance we were missing out on. While many couples we know were enjoying upscale dinners, we chose to keep things simple and relish our family moments.
Bringing our child along for our Valentine’s celebration might seem odd to some, but for us, it felt completely normal. In the last year, we’ve only managed two outings without our little one, and surprisingly, we are perfectly okay with our dateless existence.
Before our child arrived, we frequently heard from relatives, parenting blogs, and acquaintances that prioritizing regular date nights was crucial after welcoming a baby. The advice was consistent: secure a reliable babysitter, earmark one evening every couple of weeks, dress up, and escape the house. We were told to dedicate that night to romance, choosing fancy venues and leaving behind our phones filled with baby pictures, ensuring our conversations steered clear of parenting topics.
While the idea of date nights sounded appealing, those who insisted on their necessity emphasized that they were vital for keeping our marriage intact amid the chaos of bottles and diapers. I was all for it before our child was born—we selected Thursdays for our outings and even picked out a flattering black dress for my post-baby figure.
However, after my little one’s arrival in January, the whirlwind of new parenthood quickly took over. It wasn’t until May that my partner and I even remembered our plans for date nights. We discussed how nice it would feel to be out together, but since our child was still nursing in the evenings, it was tough to find the right moment. He took a bottle from his daytime caregiver but clung to me as soon as I returned home, nursing until bedtime. We decided to postpone our date nights, and while I felt a tinge of disappointment, I was relieved to see our marriage still thriving.
By the fall, our toddler had eased up on nursing, but we had established a beautiful bedtime routine filled with books, baths, and cuddles. He went to sleep perfectly as long as we were the ones putting him down. Committed to gentle parenting, we had resolved to avoid letting him cry it out, so we chose to delay date nights a bit longer until he became more independent. Though I was eager for some one-on-one time with my partner, I was content to see that our relationship was holding strong despite the absence of traditional outings.
When our little one’s first birthday rolled around, he was nursing only a handful of times a day and seemed ready to settle into bedtime without us. By then, he was delightful—playful, curious, and growing quickly. The thought of missing an evening with him was hard to bear, and I checked in with my partner, who surprisingly felt just as satisfied with our situation.
Now that our son is two, he continues to be wonderful. Both of us work full-time, and after spending the day with a nanny, it feels wrong to miss any precious evening hours together. I respect the parents who prioritize regular date nights; it’s great that it works for them. However, I wish society understood that a happy marriage doesn’t hinge on formal date nights.
My partner and I spend ample time together. We gather for family dinners each night, and after our child goes to bed, we enjoy late-night chats, card games, or movies. Sure, we may be in our pajamas, but quality is what matters. We also have loads of fun with our son by our side—pushing a stroller doesn’t mean we aren’t connecting as a couple. There are countless ways for a marriage to flourish; if, like us, you prefer to cherish family time, as long as you’re happy, you’ll likely be just fine.
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Summary
In this article, Melissa Taylor shares her perspective on forgoing traditional date nights in favor of family time after becoming parents. Despite societal pressure to secure regular romantic outings, she and her partner find fulfillment and connection in their daily lives with their child, highlighting that happiness in marriage can be achieved in various ways.