A few years back, before I openly identified as gay at 39, I found myself on a relative’s patio during Thanksgiving, waiting for the turkey to finish cooking. I mostly listened as one of my cousins discussed another cousin who had come out as gay years earlier. My gay cousin was present with his partner, who some family members insisted on calling his “friend.”
During the conversation, one cousin was asked if he would attend our gay cousin’s wedding if it were to happen. With a sneer, he replied, “No,” followed by a derisive snort. When asked for his reasoning, he stated, “Because I firmly believe that God intended for man and woman to be together, and homosexuality is a sin.”
As I listened, my skin burned. Did he realize he was also talking about me? Would it even matter? I clenched my teeth and stayed silent. My other cousin continued to challenge him, asking why it mattered to him how others love. She pointed out that there’s nothing wrong with it, asserting that his perspective was misguided.
I often reflect on how I should have spoken out. In hindsight, I wish I had not only spoken up but also walked away. I refuse to be in the same space as that person again. I know enough about his life to recognize the hypocrisy in his views on “sin.” It frustrates me that I sat there, simmering with anger, heart racing, hands trembling, without saying a word.
At that time, I was perceived as straight. I should have stood up for my cousin, who shouldn’t have to endure an environment where his partner wasn’t acknowledged. This behavior is not normal, and I am done being silent. I will ensure my children learn the importance of speaking up as well.
The Danger of Silence
Silence allows bigotry to thrive. It creates an environment where discrimination can flourish unchallenged. Our silence is, in essence, consent. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. expressed frustration with those who prioritize “order” over justice in his famous “Letter from a Birmingham Jail.” He stated that the greatest obstacle to freedom for marginalized individuals isn’t the overt oppressors but those who remain silent.
These words resonate for all groups facing marginalization and injustice. When those who claim to care remain passive, they allow discrimination to persist. We cannot choose silence in the name of peace. The only peace we maintain is our own, while those who are marginalized continue to face emotional and often physical harm.
We must raise our voices and instill that courage in our children. I tell my son that I expect him to speak out when he hears other men discussing women inappropriately. All parents should demand this from their children. It cannot be the responsibility of just a few; we need collective action.
A viral TikTok clip featured comedian Daniel Sloss discussing the importance of accountability among friends. He noted that if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. This “moderate” mentality—behaving well personally without demanding the same from others—creates a negative peace that benefits only a select group.
If you witness harmful behavior in your community and remain silent, you are complicit. Whether you identify as a Christian overlooking homophobia cloaked in scripture, a police officer ignoring racism among colleagues, or anyone else witnessing discrimination, inaction makes you part of the problem.
We must also push for systemic change. It’s crucial to speak out in our personal circles, but we also need to affect change on a broader level. Support representatives who acknowledge systems of oppression and advocate for repairing them. Engage in activism, even if it’s just a small amount of time each week. Let your children see you making calls or sending emails advocating for change.
We need to speak out. We must teach our kids to do the same. If we want to create a safer, more equitable world for future generations, we cannot prioritize our comfort at the expense of others’ rights. We must commit to this work on both personal and systemic levels or risk complicity in injustice.
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Summary
The importance of speaking up against discrimination cannot be overstated. Silence allows bigotry to thrive, and it is crucial for both adults and children to challenge harmful behaviors. By fostering an environment of accountability and activism, we can work towards a more inclusive society.
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Blog post on the importance of speaking out against discrimination and teaching children to be advocates for justice.