As I sat in my daughter’s room, my arm awkwardly draped over the bedrail while she drifted off to sleep, I found my thoughts wandering. (Yes, we’re those parents. We’ve made our fair share of rookie mistakes, and now that she’s 3, she can’t sleep without clutching one of our hands like it’s some preschool version of a Chinese finger trap. If we have another child, I’ll just plop them in their room with a blanket, a water bottle, and a hearty dose of good luck before bolting out.) This moment led me to think about Goldilocks—specifically, who does she think she is?
Let’s Break It Down
Mama Bear is likely spending her Saturday morning slaving away, cooking breakfast while Papa Bear and Baby Bear make a mess with toys in the living room. If she doesn’t whip up something, who will? Naturally, they complain about the porridge being too hot, so Mama decides to take a stroll in the woods to cool it down. Enter Goldilocks.
Now, is Goldilocks a wild child? Based on every illustrated book I’ve seen, she’s the opposite: perfectly coiffed ringlets, enviable lashes, and a blue dress that looks like it was plucked from a celebrity’s wardrobe. Where are her parents? Probably globe-trotting while the nanny chats with friends about how she’d ditch the gig if it weren’t for those occasional gift bags from the awards shows. That’s probably when Goldilocks sneakily wandered into the woods, discovered the Bear family’s cottage, and thought, “This looks nice; I’ll take it.”
Talk about entitlement, right? Without any understanding of basic safety—like not entering strangers’ homes—Goldilocks strolls right in. She spots the porridge and can’t resist. I mean, who sees a bowl of porridge and decides they must have a taste? It’s not pizza or chocolate cake; it’s porridge! And she’s so rude that she takes a bite from each bowl until she finds one she likes and finishes it all.
Then, she proceeds to wreak havoc in the living room. Papa Bear’s chair? Too fast, she says. What does that even mean? It’s clear she can rock a chair slowly when she moves on to Mama Bear’s seat and complains it’s too slow. Finally, she finds Baby Bear’s chair and, surprise, it’s just right. And what does she do? She destroys it!
To recap: this girl thinks it’s perfectly fine to enter a stranger’s home, eat their food, and mess with their belongings. Ugh, I can’t stand her already.
The Naptime Disaster
Now, Goldilocks heads upstairs for a nap, but it turns out that the Bear family’s mattresses don’t match hers. She jumps off Papa Bear’s bed, disgusted, and then finds Mama Bear’s mattress too soft. But Baby Bear’s bed? Ah yes, that’s just right—because nothing screams comfort like napping in the bed of a baby bear in the middle of the woods.
When the Bear family returns home, Mama Bear is already irritated with her family, and then she walks into the aftermath of Goldilocks’ antics. Breakfast is ruined, their furniture is demolished, and to top it all off, they discover someone has been in their beds. Goldilocks, startled, just bolts out of the house, leaving no consequences for her actions. The Bear family, especially Mama Bear, is left to clean up the mess.
What If?
Wouldn’t it be more gratifying if the Bear family walked in on Goldilocks and decided to have her for lunch? Here’s why:
- It’s the circle of life, after all. (Okay, I know bears don’t eat humans, but they might defend their territory.)
- It instills important lessons in kids: don’t enter strange homes, don’t touch what isn’t yours, and don’t complain about your food because a rich kid might come in, break your stuff, and leave you in a bind.
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In summary, Goldilocks represents a troubling archetype of entitlement and disregard for boundaries. Instead of facing any repercussions, she leaves the Bear family to deal with the mess she created.