What do you want to be when you grow up? This innocent question, once a staple of childhood, is now a source of immense anxiety for today’s youth. It fosters self-doubt and suggests that success hinges on becoming someone different, rather than embracing who they already are. This mindset implies that they must achieve a series of accolades to prove their worth, perpetuating a culture that values accomplishments over intrinsic qualities.
This reflection was sparked by the tragic story of Alex Yates, a 25-year-old medical student who took his own life after being denied residency twice. While this heartbreaking incident highlights the multifaceted nature of mental health crises among medical students, it raises critical questions about the messages we send our children concerning self-worth and resilience. Are we equipping them to handle failure? Are we teaching them how to navigate life’s challenges?
We need to ask ourselves why we feel insufficient, why our children feel inadequate, and why roles such as friend, son, or teammate seem not enough. Why is our sense of identity so heavily intertwined with achievements and external validation? Our relentless “work hard, play hard” ethos often leaves little room for a balanced life, and this pressure begins far earlier than college or high school; it starts with how we frame their futures. We encourage them to metamorphose into something extraordinary — like a butterfly — instead of appreciating their unique selves. This misconception does a disservice to our youth.
Currently, our high schools are brimming with students battling anxiety, depression, and myriad mental health issues. Research underscores this troubling trend; for example, a study in Pediatrics revealed a 37% rise in major depression among children aged 12–20 from 2005 to 2014. While some attribute this increase to greater awareness of mental health, others point to the adverse effects of screen time and social media on social interactions and the relentless pressures of a competitive job market.
A significant contributor to this crisis is the parenting style known as “helicopter parenting,” characterized by overprotection and a desire to shield children from disappointment. The impact is evident; a quick visit to a high school principal’s office reveals students who struggle to understand consequences because their parents intervene excessively. From delivering forgotten lunches to erasing the importance of competition, these actions deprive children of learning essential life skills related to problem-solving and resilience.
It’s time to re-embrace disappointment and failure as natural, necessary experiences rather than obstacles to be avoided. Our children will eventually confront real-world challenges, and we owe it to them to prepare them for these encounters rather than leaving them to grapple with failure for the first time at 18. Resilience, perseverance, and the ability to cope with setbacks are qualities we must cultivate — not just achievements we should strive for.
Let’s shift our focus from what our children will become to who they are now, encouraging them to explore their interests and improve upon themselves without the pressure of external expectations. After all, simply being themselves is often more than enough.
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Summary:
In today’s fast-paced, achievement-oriented society, we must reconsider how we prepare our children for life’s challenges. Instead of rushing to shield them from failure, we should encourage resilience and self-acceptance, helping them navigate their own paths without the weight of unrealistic expectations.