On February 20, celebrity chef and author Mia Sullivan took to social media to honor her baby, who would have been born on that date. Mia has been candid about her experience with a pregnancy loss at 20 weeks, and her openness has provided comfort to many who have faced similar heartaches. Unfortunately, her honesty has also exposed her to harsh criticism and even attempts at gatekeeping.
Mia’s heartfelt post was widely shared, and, as expected, the comments flooded in—some supportive, others less so. One particularly cruel remark stood out: “I don’t care for her at all, and enough about your miscarriages. Honey, I’ve had two myself! You’re no different from the rest of us women.” This comment is deeply distressing for many reasons, chiefly the attempt to undermine Mia’s grief by establishing an arbitrary standard of suffering that excludes her.
Gatekeeping grief is not only cruel; it distorts the very nature of loss. It suggests that grief is a competition, where one person’s pain diminishes another’s. It is essential to recognize that grief is not a finite resource. Just because someone else has experienced significant loss does not mean your grief is less valid.
Having become familiar with grief over the past few years, I’ve learned some important truths:
- Grief is not a competition. There are no prizes for suffering the most.
- Grief is boundless. One person’s sorrow doesn’t negate another’s.
- The phrase “at least” can be invalidating. Statements like “at least you can still get pregnant” dismiss the depth of someone’s pain.
The overarching message is clear: we shouldn’t gatekeep grief. This act not only harms individuals but also affects us all. When someone, whether a public figure like Mia or a friend, shares their experiences, they offer a lifeline to countless others who may feel isolated in their sorrow.
The comment, “You’re no different than the rest of us women,” misses the essence of sharing one’s story. Mia shares her journey not to elevate herself, but to connect with others who might feel alone in their grief. Recognizing that we are not solitary in our struggles can be the difference between despair and hope.
Creating space for one person’s narrative does not diminish your own. Instead, it allows for more voices to be heard, fostering empathy and connection. Gatekeeping, on the other hand, stifles the sharing of experiences, leading to isolation.
Grief and suffering are intensely personal, unique to each individual. The ways in which we grieve are as diverse as the ways we love. There is enough empathy in the world for everyone to share their pain without judgment.
If you or someone you know is navigating the complexities of pregnancy and loss, consider exploring resources like WomensHealth.gov for valuable information, or check out intracervicalinsemination.com for expert insights on related topics. Additionally, you can find more discussions on topics related to environmental concerns on our other blog Home Insemination Kit.
Summary
Grief is a personal journey that should not be subjected to judgment or comparison. Celebrities like Mia Sullivan share their experiences to create connections and foster empathy among those who have suffered. Everyone deserves the space to grieve, and no one has the right to determine who deserves sympathy over another.