If you’re not familiar with attachment parenting, it’s a style that often includes practices like co-sleeping, feeding on demand, promptly responding to a child’s cries, and employing gentle discipline. If this approach doesn’t resonate with you, that’s perfectly okay. This isn’t a critique of traditional parenting methods, which undoubtedly have their benefits that I may not fully understand.
However, I speak from experience with attachment parenting, having raised all four of our children with this philosophy. I want to offer reassurance to those parents who find themselves gazing at their peacefully sleeping child and questioning whether they are being too indulgent. I’m reaching out to those mothers who feel like they are merely a human pacifier or are debating whether to let their child cry it out to learn self-soothing. I’m also addressing the couple who hasn’t enjoyed a weekend away since their baby was born, all due to nursing, and who wonders if these sacrifices are worthwhile. If this resonates with you, then read on.
When we welcomed our first child, we hadn’t planned on attachment parenting—it simply unfolded organically. Our son slept better when he was close to us, and so did we. Consequently, we naturally became a co-sleeping family. I’ve never been one for strict schedules, so it felt more intuitive to nurse whenever he needed it, day and night. This made it difficult for me to be away from him for any length of time, so I simply didn’t go anywhere. As for those cumbersome baby carriers? They were uncomfortable, leading me to find it much easier to hold my baby in my arms or use a baby sling.
Before long, we were fully immersed in attachment parenting. Although this method felt right for us, I couldn’t shake the doubts that sometimes crept in, despite the backing of my family and resources like Dr. Sears. There were moments during our children’s early years that made me reconsider our choices. For instance, when our first child turned four, he experienced significant separation anxiety. Had we made him overly dependent? By age five, our second child still crept into our bed at night—was that typical? Our third child wanted to be held constantly during her first year and a half; was that okay? And our youngest, while still developing at his own pace, didn’t speak as early as his older siblings—had we spoiled him with too much attention?
If only I had known then what I know now: that our children would thrive. While they aren’t all grown yet—our youngest is only 12—I genuinely appreciate the individuals they are becoming. I don’t believe attachment parenting is solely responsible for their wonderful qualities, but I do feel that the abundant love they received has positively influenced their development.
Here are some long-term benefits I’ve observed from our experience with attachment parenting:
- Kindness: My children, though not perfect, consistently strive to exhibit kindness—to me, to one another, and to their peers who may be struggling. Attachment kids grow up expecting to be treated with kindness, which fosters a natural inclination to reciprocate.
- Independence: A common critique of attachment parenting is that it breeds dependency. However, that’s a misconception. While my children may not have been independent at ages three or four, as they matured into tweens and teens, their confidence and capabilities flourished, supported by the security of our attachment.
- Affection: It’s been a while since we’ve had little feet padding into our bedroom at night (yes, they do eventually sleep in their own beds!), but my children still love to cuddle. Even my 12-year-old enjoys snuggling during movie nights, while my teenage daughters share playful moments together. Affection is a fundamental part of our family dynamic.
- Healthy Attachments: Despite warnings against being too friendly with your kids, we enjoy a genuine friendship with ours. This doesn’t mean we lack authority, but rather that there’s a joyful ease in our relationships that often contrasts with the typical challenges of adolescence.
- Strong Sibling Bonds: Like any siblings, my children argue, but the love among them runs deep, likely stemming from our close family connections.
- Happiness: The attachment kids I know, including my own, are generally happy. They’ve spent their early years enveloped in love and care, much like how one feeds a hungry child. Just as neglecting a child’s physical hunger leads to further distress, withholding emotional nourishment does not resolve their needs. Attachment children have been emotionally well-fed, resulting in healthy, joyful kids.
Attachment parenting isn’t the only way to raise children, and my kids are far from perfect. I’ve certainly made my share of mistakes along the way. Nevertheless, I cherish who they are becoming. I’m not a parenting expert, nor do I claim to be one. When I was navigating motherhood, it was the shared experiences of other mothers that comforted and guided me, not expert opinions. Attachment parenting worked for us and our children, so if it aligns with your values, embrace it. Yes, it can be demanding, but remember that this time is fleeting, and you’re crafting priceless memories with incredible kids.
If you’re interested in exploring more about family bonding, check out this resource on family bonding. Additionally, for those curious about the medical side of things, this article on artificial insemination serves as an excellent resource.
In summary, we didn’t initially set out to embrace attachment parenting, but looking back, I am thankful we did. Our children have thrived in this environment, and the qualities they possess today affirm the benefits of our choices.