Having three children was never part of the plan for Sarah and me. We initially thought we’d be content with just two. This isn’t to say we don’t cherish each of our kids—because we absolutely do. Our youngest, our little surprise, was very much intended, but after our second child, we thought we were finished. There was a time we considered having another, but that was before we faced one of the most challenging phases of our parenting journey. Our middle daughter had a tough start in life, spending weeks in the NICU due to underdeveloped lungs. It was a harrowing experience that left us both fearful of expanding our family.
Fast forward four years, and I had already contemplated a vasectomy with my doctor, even scheduling a consultation with a urologist. Then Sarah started to feel a twinge of what some might call “baby fever.” We weren’t entirely sure we were done, and before we knew it, she was expecting again.
However, Sarah’s third delivery was far more difficult than we anticipated. Let’s just say, if her third child had been our first, we likely would’ve stopped there. Our spirited little girl has kept us on our toes.
Over a year ago, I underwent the procedure to secure my future as a father of three. It felt like the right decision at the time. But recently, I’ve been grappling with a sense of incompleteness. Is that the right term? I find myself watching our youngest and realizing that she represents the end of our journey. Every moment—reading to her, playing games, or racing in the backyard—is fleeting. I look at our oldest son, now 12, and understand that I have roughly six years left with him at home. Our middle daughter, at 9, is already halfway through her childhood under our roof.
As a man, it feels strange to admit that I might be experiencing something akin to “baby fever,” a sentiment often associated with women. I can almost hear Sarah sighing at the thought. The irony isn’t lost on me—I was initially hesitant about becoming a parent. Growing up in a troubled household made me doubt my ability to be a good father. It took a considerable amount of persuasion from Sarah for me to agree to have our first child.
Now, I find myself feeling incomplete. Surely, these feelings are normal? The reality is that Sarah isn’t keen on adding another child to our family, especially after her challenging recovery. We both work in education, and our financial situation is already stretched thin supporting a family of five. I can only imagine how one more child could tip our budget into chaos.
Life has a way of throwing curveballs, doesn’t it? Even when you think you’re done, doubts can creep in. I’m currently second-guessing my decision for a vasectomy, pondering whether this beautiful family I adore is truly complete. Deep down, I suspect it is. Approaching 40, the thought of sleepless nights with a newborn is daunting, and I know Sarah would never agree to that. The idea of reversing my vasectomy seems equally unappealing.
This internal struggle—balancing my desire for another child against the realities of parenting—is what makes family planning so deeply personal. Many people don’t have as many kids as they’d like due to finances, health issues, or other challenges. This complexity is why unsolicited advice to have more children can feel so out of touch.
Family planning is the most intricate equation I’ve ever encountered; so many factors come into play. Even after reaching a decision that feels right for us, it can still leave room for doubt. I catch myself looking at my kids, wishing for a few more hugs and cuddles, remembering the warmth of holding a sleeping baby.
Yes, parenting presents its challenges. We often voice our frustrations about raising our lively children, yet the joy and love they bring are immense. It’s hard not to long for just a bit more, even when it seems impossible. This might be why my family feels perpetually incomplete.
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In summary, grappling with the desire for another child amid the realities of life is a common struggle. It’s a deeply personal journey that many share, even if it seems others don’t understand.