We Are a Genuine Family, Thank You Very Much

“Are they all yours?”
“I can’t imagine giving my baby away.”
“Are you the nanny?”
“Isn’t adoption prohibitively expensive?”
“Where are they from?”
“Why didn’t you choose to adopt white children?”
“Aren’t a lot of adopted kids, you know, troubled?”
“Doesn’t open adoption confuse your children?”
“Oh, what a wonderful thing you did by adopting kids who needed homes.”
“Are they foster children?”
“Aren’t you worried their birth parents will come back for them?”

We’ve had ample practice addressing the myriad of statements and questions that come our way. Rarely does a day go by without someone approaching us to inquire about our family’s journey through adoption.

Some people assume we’ve volunteered to be educators on adoption. After all, we chose this path, and our adoptive family status is evident. We are white, while all three of our children are black. With each passing year, we’ve become more patient, outgoing, and resilient. The questions we receive have become part of our routine, and we’ve learned to respond with education, grace, and honesty—always prioritizing our children’s privacy.

Yet, there’s one question that consistently irritates me, making my chest tighten and my face flush: “Are they real siblings?”

Picture this: you’re in a store with your family when the person in front of you at the checkout suddenly turns around to stare at your energetic children (who are bouncing, giggling, and touching everything). After a brief observation, they inquire, “Are they real siblings?”

It’s not a question you’d expect. It’s certainly not what you want to hear while juggling a cart filled with groceries, diapers, and other necessities, while your little ones are creating a delightful mess.

Why is it unexpected? Because you’re just a typical parent trying to keep your kids safe and happy. You’re focused on grocery shopping like everyone else, and more importantly, your children deserve respect and the space to simply be kids. They are not representatives of adoption for others to scrutinize.

Think for a moment about the people you genuinely love. Your best friend, your partner or spouse, your parents, your sister’s stepson, your godchildren, or even that caring neighbor who always looks out for you. These individuals may not be biologically related to you, yet your love for them is profound and unwavering.

I’ve encountered countless variations of the “real” question. I realize that “real” is often a substitute for “biological,” and while I understand the intent, please consider the innocent, precious children beside me. The word “real” can be confusing, intrusive, and hurtful.

My kids interact like any siblings. They share hugs, argue over toys, and play together in the most delightful ways. They dance like no one is watching and provide comfort to one another.

My children are genuine individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. And yes, they can hear when you question the authenticity of our family.

Our love is true.
Our family is real.
It’s all genuine.

So, the next time you see a family that might not appear biologically connected or may have come together through adoption, feel free to smile. Just remember to keep the word “real” to yourself. As my mother wisely taught me, just because you think it doesn’t mean you need to voice it.

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Summary

This article discusses the challenges and misconceptions faced by adoptive families, highlighting the importance of respect and understanding when it comes to family dynamics. It emphasizes that love and connection transcend biological relationships, urging others to reconsider the implications of their questions regarding adoption.

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