My 1-year-old recently took her first steps just a few weeks ago. Initially, she enjoyed walking for a short while, but it didn’t take long for her to grow bored with it. Now she prefers to run, arms flailing and squealing in joy, reminiscent of E.T. She zooms through her surroundings, and I constantly have to scoop her up when she gets too close to the street. Just last week, she was ecstatic, racing down the sidewalk, when she stumbled on a crack in the pavement. She scraped her knee and bumped her forehead. At this age, you quickly learn to differentiate her cries: the tired whimper, the attention-seeking fake cry, and the heart-wrenching wail of pain.
I could have prevented her fall. I could have kept her on the grass, kept her indoors, or held her hand through every step. If I had, she wouldn’t have those scrapes or bruises. But would she be experiencing the world as she should? Minor injuries are part of childhood; they come with the territory of running around like a bundle of energy. They happen when you’re so immersed in the joy of being a kid that you miss the little obstacles beneath you.
Lately, it feels like we’re inundated with news of violence, tragedy, and accidents. The world seems increasingly perilous, and it’s human nature to search for ways to avoid such misfortunes. We want to believe that we can keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. We love our families deeply and could never imagine putting them in harm’s way. In our frustration, we seek someone to blame.
I notice the vitriol directed at parents who dare to let their children wander unrestrained, as if their supposed negligence is the cause of every accident. The disdain aimed at parents who already struggle with self-doubt is appalling. The ability to foresee every possible danger or have eyes in the back of your head is now an unrealistic expectation for parenting. Seriously, how dare you have children without these superpowers?
We fail to recognize that the child at the zoo or in the park could very well be our own. Our fears morph us into unreasonable critics. We forget the times we’ve been preoccupied with our phones instead of watching our kids closely. “It couldn’t possibly happen to us because we care so much,” we tell ourselves.
We live in a society that criticizes overprotective parenting but then calls for intervention when a child is seen playing outside without adult supervision. Here’s a truth we must face:
- You are all flawed parents.
- You might be too overbearing.
- You might not supervise enough.
- You let your child watch too much TV.
- You use a toddler harness.
- You’re only teaching them one language.
- You over-schedule their activities.
- You pressure them too much.
- You’re too lenient.
- You don’t socialize them enough.
- You breastfed too long.
- You gave them a snack with GMOs! What a travesty!
Today, regardless of your parenting style, someone out there thinks you’re doing it all wrong. A decade from now, our kids will be teenagers, and they’ll remind us just how terrible we are at being parents. Two decades from now, they might be in therapy, promising to avoid our mistakes when they start families of their own. And thirty years later, they will undoubtedly find fault with another parent’s choices, just as we do now.
Heaven forbid any of us experience a parenting blunder that gets aired on national news, scrutinized by every armchair expert with a keyboard. It’s easy to criticize from the sidelines when you don’t have to face the challenges of parenting firsthand.
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In summary, we all experience moments of self-doubt and criticism as parents. It’s crucial to remember that imperfection is part of the journey. We do our best with the knowledge we have, and ultimately, our children’s experiences will shape their views of us.