This week, I found myself reflecting on the media’s portrayal of the Steubenville rape case. I saw young men weeping over their shattered futures, despite the fact they had committed a heinous act against a girl. The discourse surrounding the victim was disheartening, as many blamed her for consuming alcohol. What strikes me as the most tragic is the absence of support for her that night. Instead of stepping in to protect her, bystanders laughed, took photos, and even continued to intimidate her, siding with the offenders. It’s unacceptable that she faces ongoing blame for this crime—this rape. We must strive for a better society, one where we protect our children, neighbors, friends, and even strangers. Most importantly, we must remember: rape is a crime, and it is never the victim’s fault.
As a mother of three daughters, I feel a profound sense of fear. While I want them to make wise decisions, I also yearn for them to be part of a community that looks out for one another. I hope they will always lend a helping hand to friends or even strangers in need. However, regardless of the choices they make or the parties they attend, they must know this: no one has the right to violate them. It is never their fault.
Reflecting on my own experiences, I remember being 17, a cheerleader in a small town, and dating boys who were popular. I thought it was my fault when I enjoyed parties and drank too much. I thought it was my fault for dating boys who didn’t truly care for me, for believing in relationships that were one-sided. I was labeled as “the drunk girl” in town, and I felt it was my fault.
One fateful night, while intoxicated at a party, I had sex with someone I thought was my boyfriend. When he left the room briefly, I reached for his hair only to realize it wasn’t him when he returned. Panic set in. I screamed and fought back, but he was larger and stronger. In that moment, I was overpowered by him and his friends. It wasn’t my fault. I was a scared, drunk 17-year-old girl, and none of this should have happened to me.
For years, I carried the burden of shame and guilt, believing their cruel words that labeled me a whore and left me alone, trembling in the aftermath of my assault. They laughed, asserting that “boys will be boys.” It took me 27 years to understand that it was never my fault.
We can do better. We must be the ones who step in and support victims, not cast blame. This is a critical conversation for all of us.
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In summary, it’s crucial to acknowledge that no one should ever be blamed for the violence inflicted upon them. We must work collectively towards a society that prioritizes safety and respect for all individuals.