It’s a rite of passage for every parent. Sooner or later, even the most well-mannered kids will unleash a barrage of sassy, rude remarks that leave you scratching your head. This can happen at any age, as children often react impulsively, failing to recognize the person they are speaking to. And therein lies the challenge.
My partner, Jake, and I faced this wave of disrespect head-on. We tried to address it immediately with firm reminders like, “You can’t speak to me, your mother, that way,” or “That’s not how we treat others.” For a time, it seemed effective, but soon the sassy comments would resurface, and we found ourselves questioning, “What kind of children are we raising? Do they even see us as real people?”
The truth is, they didn’t. In our attempts to correct their behavior, we often referred to ourselves as “Mom” and “Dad,” which inadvertently reduced us to mere titles. I was simply the “mom” who enforced rules, and Jake was the “dad” who provided structure. To our kids, these roles were just functions—like providing meals, laundry, or transportation to baseball practice. They had likely never considered that before becoming their parents, we were individuals with our own identities.
So, we decided to change our approach, and the results were almost immediate. The next time one of our kids snapped at me disrespectfully, Jake stepped in and said, “You can’t talk to my wife like that.” I could practically see the confusion flickering across their faces. Wait, she’s someone’s wife? But that’s my mom, who knows exactly how I like my sandwiches!
Suddenly, I was no longer just “Mom.” I was Jake’s partner, a person deserving of respect and empathy. They realized I had feelings, emotions, and needs beyond the daily grind of motherhood. Understanding this dynamic helped them recognize that even moms can be hurt, even by their own children.
This new perspective has proven effective over the years, not only in curbing disrespectful comments but also in nurturing our children into compassionate young adults. They’ve learned to see beyond titles like teacher, coach, or waitress, recognizing that every adult they encounter is a human deserving of kindness and consideration.
Next time your child speaks hurtfully to you or anyone nearby, encourage them to advocate for you. Instead of saying, “You can’t talk to your mom like that,” have them say, “You can’t talk to my wife/friend/sister like that.” Watch as you transform into a real person in their eyes—one who truly deserves respect. This simple shift can make a significant difference.
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In summary, by shifting the language we use with our children, we can foster greater respect and understanding. Encouraging them to see us as whole people rather than just their parental figures can lead to more empathetic and compassionate interactions.