The Benefits of Discovering Your Child’s Love Language
Recognizing your child’s love language can significantly improve your parenting experience. By utilizing the insights from the well-known assessment, you can foster stronger connections and build deeper trust with your child.
By Alex Johnson
Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Originally Published: June 9, 2022
Taking on the responsibility of raising my younger brother after our mother’s passing was not the parent-child relationship I envisioned. With a challenging dynamic and his preteen hormones in full swing, it often felt like navigating a battlefield at home. During one of our family therapy sessions, our counselor suggested something I had never thought of: understanding each other’s love languages. He pointed out that “The 5 Love Languages” framework is effective not only for romantic relationships but also for family ties.
If you’re not acquainted with the concept, this assessment, derived from a popular book, posits that everyone has unique ways of expressing and receiving love. By identifying these preferences, you can tackle conflicts, connect more deeply, and strengthen your bond with your child.
So, what are the five love languages?
- Acts of Service (e.g., preparing their favorite meal or assisting with homework)
- Receiving Gifts (e.g., surprising them with a small treat after school)
- Quality Time (e.g., engaging in conversation about their day or inviting them on errands)
- Words of Affirmation (e.g., expressing pride in their accomplishments)
- Physical Touch (e.g., hugs, tucking them in at night)
After my brother and I took the assessment, we discovered our love languages differed, which was enlightening. This newfound knowledge allowed us to communicate more effectively and alleviated the pressure of trying to guess each other’s needs. Here are three key takeaways from our experience:
- Improved trust and communication.
- Less stress in interpreting each other’s needs.
- An understanding that love can be expressed in various ways.
As relationship expert Dr. Lisa Green suggests, children often enjoy aspects of all love languages, but typically have one or two favorites. While some professionals recommend covering all five languages, this can be overwhelming for busy parents. Dr. Green advises that a child’s love language may evolve based on life circumstances. For instance, if they’ve missed you, they might crave more physical affection.
After taking the assessment, my brother’s top love languages were physical touch and words of affirmation, while my primary was acts of service. Focusing on these two areas made it manageable for both of us. We agreed to start each day with a hug and for me to provide a positive affirmation daily. In return, I encouraged him to recognize when I expressed love through acts of service, like cooking his favorite meal.
This exercise helped us realize how much love we were already showing each other instead of dwelling on what was lacking in our relationship.
What if my child is too young to take the assessment?
You can still discover their love language! Make it a fun activity by trying out all five languages in a day and asking which one resonated the most with them. In our home, we often played a game where we shared how we felt loved that day. These moments not only helped my brother feel cherished but also provided me with the affirmation I needed as a parent.
Children typically start to show a preference for their love languages around ages 5 to 6. Observing how they interact with you can provide valuable clues. If a child gives you hugs, they might favor physical touch. If they create art for you, they may appreciate receiving gifts. Dr. Green emphasizes that the more you pay attention, the more your child will reveal about their preferences.
Even if some love languages feel foreign to you as a parent, remember that small gestures can have a big impact. For example, if your child resonates with words of affirmation, make it a habit to express appreciation regularly. Simple acts, like a morning hug or a favorite meal, can reinforce your bond.
Regardless of whether you and your child share the same love languages or not, the underlying truth is that both of you care deeply about maintaining a strong connection.
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In summary, understanding your child’s love language is a crucial step toward nurturing a deeper connection. By recognizing and responding to their unique preferences, you can transform your parenting experience and foster a loving, supportive environment.