Can you do self-insemination at home ?
People often react negatively to my words, not because of their content but due to how I express them. The emotion, intention, and passion behind my message often overshadow the actual point I’m trying to make. As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and an advocate, my identity and role sometimes intersect, making it difficult for others to separate my message from who I am. This leads to situations where discomfort arises, causing listeners to focus on the tone of my delivery rather than the substance of my message.
When individuals feel uneasy, they tend to label my tone as unprofessional, angry, or inappropriate, diverting attention away from the critical issues at hand. Instead of engaging with the content, they often suggest I should be more calm or approachable. This behavior is called tone policing, and it disproportionately targets marginalized groups and women, particularly Black women. It’s an insidious way of avoiding accountability and perpetuating bias.
During a recent training session with primary school teachers on creating inclusive environments for transgender and gender nonconforming children, the principal requested I refrain from swearing, fearing some teachers might be offended. This request wasn’t a threat but rather an acknowledgment that my language could be policed, distracting from the urgent issues I was addressing. Rather than confronting the staggering statistics of transgender youth contemplating suicide due to lack of support, some attendees became fixated on my choice of language. This exemplifies tone policing, which often aims to derail important conversations.
Common Phrases of Tone Policing
Tone policing manifests in various phrases, such as:
- “Please calm down; I don’t like your tone.”
- “You can’t address me like that.”
- “I wish you weren’t so angry.”
- “There’s no reason to be upset.”
- “Can’t you express that more nicely?”
Typically, tone policing comes from individuals in positions of privilege, who may attempt to undermine the experiences and emotions of marginalized voices to maintain their comfort. For instance, when a Black woman passionately discusses discrimination, those who tell her to adjust her tone are often influenced by deep-seated racism and sexism. They deflect from the injustices she is highlighting in order to protect their own comfort.
It is essential to acknowledge that people can express their emotions without aggression. Passionate responses to issues of humanity, rights, and social justice should be normalized, rather than silenced. Demanding that someone “calm down” in the face of legitimate anger is dismissive; such reactions can be forms of gaslighting. Marginalized individuals often find their emotions scrutinized by those who haven’t experienced their struggles, leading to invalidation of their stories.
You don’t have to experience our struggles to believe our struggles. This assertion can be made in various emphatic ways, but if someone is bothered by the intensity or language used, they are likely tone policing the message being conveyed. The core content remains unchanged; it’s the receptiveness that shifts based on personal comfort levels.
Asking individuals to tone down their emotional responses can reflect a privilege that allows one to sidestep discomfort. The next time you feel uneasy about what someone is saying, reflect on the reasons behind your discomfort. Are you diverting attention from the real issues by focusing on tone? Are you prioritizing your comfort over someone else’s lived experience?
In emotional discussions, it’s critical to listen actively and engage genuinely rather than attempting to control how others express their pain. Instead of urging someone to calm down, focus on understanding and amplifying their message. Be an ally by calling out tone policing when you see it happening around you.
For more insights on related topics, check out this other blog post and explore authoritative resources on affordable baby furniture and intrauterine insemination.