As I sit at the outdoor playscape of a fast-food restaurant, a place I would have never considered bringing my first child, I can’t help but reflect on my evolution as a parent. The greasy food! The germs! The commercialization! The questionable ingredients! Yet, after a decade of parenting and nearly 40 years of life, I’ve come to realize that holding too tightly to an idealistic view of what I should or shouldn’t expose my children to only leads to stress and unattainable expectations.
While there are aspects of being an older mom that I may not cherish, one of the most liberating changes is my newfound acceptance of imperfection. So here I am at McDonald’s, allowing my 3-year-old to enjoy a chocolate milk that’s probably laden with hormones and antibiotics. But you know what? He’s entertained, and I have Wi-Fi—win-win for me, right?
My son has found some energetic twins to play with, and their chaotic antics of taking turns on the slide are both amusing and heartwarming. I’m just grateful for a moment of peace. Soon enough, their mom initiates conversation, asking about our kids’ ages and schooling. Then, she cuts straight to the point: “Is he potty trained yet?”
Isn’t it amusing how parents can jump to such personal inquiries so quickly? I respond, “Sort of. He still wears pull-ups for naps and at night, and honestly, I’m just too lazy to deal with public restrooms sometimes.”
“Oh my God, you don’t know how much better that makes me feel!” she exclaims. “My twins just turned 3, and potty training has been a nightmare.”
As we chat about potty training challenges and milestones, I can’t help but feel empathy for her. She seems to put immense pressure on herself to achieve perfection in parenting, especially since this is her first experience with little ones—twins, no less! Her desire for everything to go smoothly is palpable.
I remember being in her shoes. My first child was my entire world, and I was hyper-focused on meeting every need. I scrutinized every detail, trying to craft perfect days filled with sunshine and joy. I even engaged in elaborate craft projects inspired by Pinterest and created a book with him when he was just two years old.
While there was nothing inherently wrong with those efforts—well, except maybe the excessive hovering—my intentions stemmed from a desire for a flawless childhood for him. But the reality was far from picture-perfect; he was a spirited, stubborn child, and my attempts at creating idyllic days often resulted in chaos. More times than I’d like to admit, I ended my days feeling like a total failure.
Over time, I learned an invaluable lesson: there was nothing wrong with either of us; the issue lay in my unrealistic expectations. I became much happier as a parent when I acknowledged that the notion of perfection in parenting is, frankly, a myth. Our best efforts are more than sufficient. Ultimately, what our children desire is a stimulating, messy childhood—one where they can disrupt plans in the name of play and exploration, all while developing at their own pace.
Why does it take us so long to grasp this truth? I often wish I could take this young mom by the hand and impart some wisdom. Perhaps a little tough love would help her see that we seasoned parents are not trying to be annoyingly laid-back—we genuinely want to ease your worries. We understand that parenting won’t necessarily get easier as kids grow; they’ll continue to challenge us in new ways. However, what does become easier is shedding the burden of perfection.
You start to think, “If I survived on broken sleep for five years, I can handle helping my kid with math homework, or at least pretend to manage it,” and “If my kid can get out of diapers, he’ll surely find his way to college.” Figuring out how to finance that education? That’s a whole different challenge that might require a bit of magic.
In summary, the journey of parenting is filled with ups and downs, but embracing imperfection can create a more enjoyable experience for both you and your children. So let’s celebrate the messiness of childhood and the beauty of learning together.
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