As a parent, perfection is an elusive goal. I strive to balance the demands of motherhood, career, and the myriad responsibilities of adult life, often falling short, just like many other parents. My experience is further complicated as I raise a child on the autism spectrum. Some days, I forget that this reality is unique because it is all I’ve ever known. I cherish my two wonderful children, who navigate the complexities of autism daily. I am incredibly proud of their achievements and eager to see what the future holds for them. However, there are days when I am acutely aware of the distinct challenges we face compared to other families.
Today is one of those days.
Weekends often come with plans, whether it’s tackling chores or enjoying outings with friends. Personally, I had hoped to squeeze in some fiction writing after tidying up the house. Yet, things took a turn. While I was cleaning the kitchen, I could hear my daughter, Lily, becoming increasingly frustrated in the next room over a game she was playing. Initially, I thought I had resolved her issue, so I returned to my task. But soon, her frustration escalated to tears and swatting in exasperation.
To an outsider, this might seem like a tantrum. But it’s not; it’s the onset of a meltdown.
Understanding Tantrums and Meltdowns
Tantrums typically arise when a child feels they aren’t getting their way. They often express anger about a specific issue and are usually aware of what has triggered their feelings. These situations can often be managed with parental intervention and discipline. Conversely, a meltdown is a different beast altogether. As a parent of a child on the spectrum, I define a meltdown as a situation where a child is engulfed by emotions or stimuli that they can no longer regulate or understand.
During a meltdown, children can become overwhelmed by a flood of feelings and sensations. They may feel helpless in resolving the situation, leading to confusion and anger. Because they often struggle to articulate their needs, they may resort to crying, screaming, or even hitting. In these moments, traditional discipline is ineffective.
Managing a Meltdown
From my experience, the key to managing a meltdown is helping the child find a way to calm down amidst the chaos. It’s essential to redirect their focus away from what triggered the episode. For instance, I often take Lily to a quiet space, wrap her in her favorite blanket, and speak softly to her, guiding her to countdown from 20 or 10.
I’ve found that this combination works well for Lily. It’s vital she senses my calmness; if I become anxious, it only heightens her distress. Today, I spoke to her in a soft tone, reassuring her of my support, while emphasizing her ability to regain control. As I held her and gently rubbed her back—always asking if she wants to be held first, as sometimes touch can exacerbate the situation—I lightened the mood with a little joke. I changed her shirt, suggesting her palm tree T-shirt would bring her joy because “palm trees thrive in sunny, happy places, just like sunny, happy faces.” This elicited a smile, and I wiped away her tears.
Next, we counted down from 20. I animatedly pretended to shake like a rocket before declaring “Blast off!” at one. She jumped off my lap, smiling, and affirmed that she felt better.
I’m not an expert; I’ve learned these techniques through practical experience and creativity. Every child responds differently, and it’s crucial to adapt quickly. There’s a wealth of strategies and theories out there; experimenting to find what resonates with your child is vital.
Advice for Parents
Here’s my advice:
- Read extensively and educate yourself whenever possible.
- Engage with your child’s interests to foster connection and understanding.
- Be patient; parenting is inherently challenging.
- Above all, love them fiercely, as that is what they need most.
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In summary, it’s crucial for parents to differentiate between tantrums and meltdowns to respond effectively to their child’s needs. Understanding the underlying emotional turmoil of a meltdown can help in providing the right support and nurturing during overwhelming moments.