In recent years, there’s been a significant increase in awareness surrounding the LGBTQ community, and as a supporter, I find this encouraging. The vibrant displays of pride and acceptance are a testament to this evolving conversation. Throughout the months, I’ve encountered a plethora of articles—some urging parents to embrace their LGBTQ children, others discussing the mental health of LGBTQ youth, and many addressing the need for better legislation. The wealth of information available is both inspiring and crucial.
However, it’s vital that we pause to clarify the distinction between gender identity and sexuality, particularly as conversations about young members of the LGBTQ community are often muddled. Many people seem confused about these concepts, so let’s break it down.
What is Gender Identity?
Gender identity refers to an individual’s internal understanding of their own gender, which may or may not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.
What is Sexuality?
Sexuality, on the other hand, pertains to a person’s romantic or sexual orientation.
Recognizing the difference between these two is essential for everyone who wishes to be a supportive ally to the LGBTQ community.
As a parent of a transgender child, I have firsthand experience with this distinction. My son began expressing his gender identity at a young age, stating things like, “Mom, I feel like a boy in my heart and mind.” Unfortunately, I didn’t fully grasp what he meant at the time. I thought that supporting him by allowing him to wear boys’ clothing and play with traditionally male toys was enough. I mistakenly believed that these feelings would resolve themselves as he matured, not realizing that gender identity is formed much earlier in life than sexuality.
The critical moment for me came when my son became self-conscious and withdrawn, even resorting to self-harm at just eight years old. It was then that I recognized my confusion between gender identity and sexuality. While I assumed that both were influenced by age and development, I learned that just as we all inherently know our gender, so do transgender children.
Consider this: if someone offered you a million dollars to change your gender surgically, would you do it? For most, the answer is a resounding no, as it wouldn’t align with their core identity.
There are also children who may not identify strictly as male or female—these are kids who explore their gender expression in fluid ways, perhaps identifying as genderqueer or non-binary. They may shift between gender identities or reject traditional gender roles altogether. Importantly, none of these expressions determine one’s sexual orientation.
For example, a boy who enjoys wearing dresses or playing with dolls isn’t necessarily gay, just as a girl who loves sports and has short hair isn’t automatically a lesbian. Sexual orientation becomes more pronounced during puberty, typically between ages 10 to 13, when hormonal changes lead to new feelings of attraction. This is when many LGBTQ youth may begin to identify as gay, bisexual, or lesbian.
Creating an open and supportive environment at home is crucial for our children during these formative years. We must approach discussions about gender identity and sexuality with love and acceptance, letting go of preconceived notions about who they should be. Parents who fail to affirm their LGBTQ children are missing an opportunity for connection and understanding.
These conversations need not be awkward or uncomfortable, especially when considering the emotional health of LGBTQ youth.
To be effective allies, it’s essential that we stay informed about the terminology and concepts surrounding these topics. I am continually learning, and I hope to share accurate information to foster a greater understanding within our communities. As we navigate these conversations, let’s strive to be compassionate and open-minded individuals.
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In summary, understanding the difference between gender identity and sexuality is crucial for fostering acceptance and support within families and communities. As we learn and grow together, we can help create a more inclusive world for everyone.