Updated: May 15, 2023
Originally Published: May 15, 2023
As I sit across from an old acquaintance and her partner, I listen to them fondly recount the moment she discovered she was expecting. I can’t help but smile while fighting back tears. Their experience feels like a fairy tale, one that I won’t be able to share for my first child. I find myself envious of how her husband lovingly supports her, helping her out of the booth and caring for her as though she is a delicate treasure. Indeed, she is radiant; carrying their little one, a true blend of their love and genetics, which is evident in his proud demeanor.
His voice resonates in my mind: “That’s incredible — whose is it?”
The night I learned I was pregnant, I lay awake, bracing myself for the tumultuous journey ahead. I understood that the first thing he would demand from me would be an abortion, a choice I was unwilling to entertain. From that moment, I knew we would clash fiercely over this issue.
Since revealing my pregnancy, my days have been filled with painful remarks like “I don’t even know if it’s mine,” “I despise you,” and “You’re the reason I won’t be around.” I’ve spent countless hours grieving the loss of someone I once believed was a genuine partner. It became clear that he never truly loved me, nor would he embrace our child. He made it abundantly clear that I had made a choice he didn’t want.
I’ve grappled with this emotional turmoil, feeling betrayed and lost. While the law grants a mother the right to choose, it also allows a father to walk away without consequence. This is the harsh reality often glossed over — a father may escape the emotional pain of an abortion, the heartache of adoption, or the challenges of single parenthood.
I write this for those mothers who have been single from the moment they discovered they were pregnant. To the women who’ve endured morning sickness alone and sat through doctor’s appointments surrounded by joyful couples. To those who experience ultrasounds, heartbeats, and gentle kicks without their partner by their side. It’s a lonely path filled with hormones, emotions, and an overwhelming sense of unlove.
Every day, I place my hand on my belly, rising each morning to greet the beautiful life I’m nurturing. I find solace in knowing that while I may be single, I am not alone. This decision, though perhaps not ideal for him, has been the best choice for me. I am certain that this child will be my greatest adventure, my deepest love, and the one aspect of my life I can confidently say I do not regret.
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Summary:
This reflective piece explores the emotional landscape of being single and pregnant, highlighting the challenges and loneliness faced by mothers who navigate this journey alone. It emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and the unique bond formed with the unborn child, despite the absence of a partner.