When my son was born, I found myself consumed with worries about his future. Like any parent, I fretted over whether he was eating enough, sleeping sufficiently, and whether I should let him cry it out or rock him to sleep. However, my anxiety amplified these concerns. I thought about where he would attend kindergarten in five years and what would happen if he had to navigate life without a sibling to support him through challenges like me possibly needing a nursing home. You know, the typical anxieties of a parent with a newborn.
Ironically, the one issue I never anticipated was whether he would inherit my anxiety. But he did. Initially, when he turned three and began struggling to fall asleep, or when he reached four and suddenly clung to me instead of exploring kids’ church, I tried to dismiss it as typical childhood behavior.
However, by age six, his reluctance to engage in activities he once loved became apparent. He wanted to stay home constantly, and nightmares became frequent enough to instill a deep fear of bedtime. Over the last six months, he started to overreact to minor setbacks, and just as school began, he developed an intense fear of scissors. It was then that I could no longer ignore my concerns, and a visit to the pediatrician confirmed his anxiety issues.
What struck me most was how closely his struggles mirrored my own. When he expressed a desire to stay home rather than attend a friend’s birthday party, I recognized the same feelings I experienced at his age. I recalled a similar meltdown I had at 15, where fear paralyzed me and made me miserable—a reflection of the anguish etched on his face.
Lately, he has been grappling with existential fears, particularly around death, which often strike just as he is settling down for the night. It’s a common phenomenon, I’ve observed, where overwhelming thoughts hit right before sleep. If you can relate to this, know that my son feels your pain.
Just last night, he experienced another meltdown over indecision. I was engaged in an online class while his father was putting him to bed. He wanted to come say goodnight to me, but his dad, unaware of his intentions, told him I was busy. This upset my son deeply. Although my husband later reassured him it was okay to come in, the damage was done. The thought that it was wrong had already taken root in his mind, and no amount of comfort could dispel his tears until he was distracted with a bedtime story.
When I finished my class and learned about the incident, I peeked into his room only to find him asleep. Watching him, I was overwhelmed by the realization that he would face this struggle throughout his life. It brought me to tears.
Yet, I’m an adult now, equipped with coping strategies. Instead of succumbing to despair over the anxiety I’ve passed down to him, I chose to focus on the positives. To my surprise, I found several reasons to be thankful.
First, our shared experiences create a unique bond. I understand his thoughts in ways others may not, and I hope that one day he will understand me in return. Our ongoing conversations about our feelings lay the groundwork for a trusting relationship that can endure.
Second, I can be his advocate, something I lacked during my own childhood. My mother was unaware of my anxiety until I faced severe postpartum anxiety myself. While I can’t blame her, I now have the opportunity to seek help for my son while he’s still young.
Third, we openly discuss our anxieties with each other and with family members and his therapist. This dialogue helps normalize what is often stigmatized and increases my awareness of my own thoughts, which is vital. My hope is that he won’t feel the same embarrassment I have sometimes experienced.
Finally, his anxiety is not the only trait he inherited from me. He is a bright, creative, and empathetic child. Reflecting on my life, anxiety included, I find immense joy, and I hope he will, too.
While I may not be able to eliminate his anxiety, I can support him through it. Ultimately, that’s enough for me—even if it’s late at night and my mind tries to convince me otherwise. I remind myself: we can manage this, together.
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Summary
This article explores a mother’s understanding of her son’s anxiety, reflecting on her own experiences with anxiety and how it has shaped their relationship. She highlights the importance of open communication, advocacy, and shared experiences in navigating the challenges of anxiety together.