Why do you always appear out of nowhere? There I am, driving, the sun shining in my face, and I decide to check my reflection at a stoplight. Suddenly, there you are—an unexpected inch-long whisker sprouting from my chin, as if you just decided to take up residence overnight. Seriously, since I’ve spotted you, there’s no unseeing you now. You’re just going to hang out with me, making me hyper-aware of your existence until I can finally take you home for a little “quality time” with my tweezers. But first, you’re coming grocery shopping and to my kid’s game. Unbelievable. Just hanging out there, an inch long, like it’s totally normal.
And while we’re at it, let’s not forget about you, Ingrown Bikini Line. You and your unruly pubic pals can take a hike. I’m exhausted from keeping up with you, constantly trimming and managing. It’s as if you’re guzzling Miracle-Gro or something! I’m not looking for a county fair prize-winning bush; I just appreciate tidy edges. Yet, you’ve developed a mind of your own, and it’s got to stop.
Oh, and Mr. Light and Fluffy Mustache, you’re not off the hook either. You seem utterly indifferent to the fact that you’re on my face. It’s like you have no preference between male or female faces. You buzz around like a fly near a picnic dish, no matter how much I try to shoo you away. You’re a champion of mustache equality, but I’d prefer you find another place to settle. Seriously, just go!
Let’s talk about my underarms for a moment. Could you at least try to grow in the same direction? Isn’t that a basic skill? You seem to have a chaotic approach, making it difficult to keep things neat. For such a small area, you sure do require a delicate touch when it comes to maintenance. I understand that you can’t see where you’re growing in the dark, but that complicates the removal process.
Now, while we’re on the subject of hair grievances, I must address the hair on my big toe and the top of my foot. What’s up with that?
Finally, let’s discuss the random Nipple Fur. Seriously, as if I didn’t have enough to handle, now I have to deal with tiny hairs around my areolas? My doctor casually mentioned, “Don’t worry, it’s normal to have a few stray hairs,” and I had to suppress a laugh. Thanks, doc, but let’s be real: a few stray hairs do not enhance femininity, not even for a second.
To be clear, I don’t really care about hair on my body. Everyone should be free to love or remove theirs—totally your choice! All bodies are beautiful just as they are. But if I’m honest, those random hairs on my own body? Not my favorite.
And with age comes even more chaos. Every hair seems to demand attention now. I find myself inspecting my mustache, checking under my arms, scrutinizing my chin and brows, and even eyeing my feet. It’s a time-consuming routine. My showers are getting longer, and I can’t help but feel like there’s a hair rebellion happening.
Maybe I should just embrace the mess and only tidy up when company is coming over. That often does the trick!
This article was originally published on Jan. 23, 2022. For more on home insemination, check out our other post about the artificial insemination kit. If you want to learn more about pregnancy, visit this excellent resource on pregnancy. And for advice on hydration, see what Hydration has to offer.
In summary, while body hair can be a nuisance, everyone has their own preferences and choices regarding it. Embracing or managing it can be a personal journey, and it’s okay to vent about the occasional unexpected growth!