When children exhibit aggressive behaviors like hitting, yelling, or biting, parents often interpret these actions in one of two ways: as signs of underlying anger issues or expressions of frustration. However, Dr. Emily Carter, a child psychology expert at the University of California, argues that these outdated perspectives are not supported by contemporary research. Just because a child appears angry doesn’t mean they will grow up to be an angry adult, nor does it mean they won’t excel in sports. In reality, what may look like aggression could stem from various factors unrelated to anger.
Dr. Carter, who leads several parenting workshops, emphasizes that aggressive behavior in children can result from impulsivity-related brain circuitry or the brain’s reward systems, which may respond similarly to aggressive actions as they do to drugs or food. Additionally, these behaviors could have genetic roots that are worsened by exposure to violence in media or through harsh discipline. Her experience with some of the most challenging children highlights the importance of parental feedback in shaping behaviors.
“Parents often focus on a child’s negative actions while overlooking moments of positive behavior,” she explains. “They miss countless chances to acknowledge the good things their children do throughout the day.”
Research supports the idea that positive reinforcement is not merely a trend. The belief that children are overly soft due to excessive praise may hold some truth: even tough kids can respond well to encouragement. “If you want your child to stop slamming doors, punishing that behavior is unlikely to yield results,” Dr. Carter states. “On the contrary, rewarding them for staying calm will encourage better behavior.”
Another effective method is simulation, a technique Dr. Carter employs with highly explosive children. This involves role-playing situations that typically trigger aggressive responses, teaching the child to react appropriately—like crossing their arms instead of lashing out. When they respond correctly, they receive specific praise. This practice helps them develop new reactions, much like learning a musical piece through repetition.
“The secret to altering a child’s behavior isn’t about making them ‘understand’ the problem; that’s impractical,” Dr. Carter notes. “They need to rehearse the desired behavior over and over. Just as you can’t learn to play Rachmaninoff by simply reading about it, children must practice.” Brain scans have shown that such behavioral practice can lead to real changes in brain function over time.
Nonetheless, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and some children may exhibit aggressive or disruptive behaviors indicative of more serious issues that require intervention. “A critical warning sign is feedback from teachers or caregivers,” Dr. Carter advises. “When a child’s behavior disrupts their daily functioning, it’s time to seek professional help.” Parents should consider consulting a pediatrician, as many visits to doctors address behavioral concerns. Medical professionals are increasingly informed about current research and can guide parents towards effective interventions.
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In summary, addressing aggressive behaviors in children involves focusing on positive reinforcement and role-playing appropriate responses. By recognizing the complexities behind these behaviors and seeking professional guidance when necessary, parents can foster healthier emotional development in their children.