There was a time when social media provided a delightful escape from reality. I could balance my phone while nursing and combat the monotony of endless feedings by scrolling through posts. As my daughter latched and unlatched, I could enjoy glimpses of extravagant kitchen renovations, dreamy vacations, and must-read book suggestions — all while being confined to my couch but virtually free to explore.
Fast forward to today, and my Instagram experience feels suffocating. What was once a mental getaway has turned into a barrage of bite-sized lectures and an overwhelming list of tasks. My feed has become heavy under the influence of the algorithm, which seems to know precisely how to push my buttons, mixing everything from Bridgerton memes to parenting expert advice.
While I’ll always appreciate a good Regency-era reference, the influx of parenting experts has become burdensome. Initially, I welcomed these accounts as a treasure trove of wisdom. Why read lengthy parenting books when I could digest their insights in shorter formats? I found pediatric dietitians, child therapists, and potty training specialists, all ready to guide me through the challenges of parenthood. At first, their suggestions felt generous, but soon, they began to feel like a burden.
Every time I opened the app, I was met with new tasks: Rotate toys! Handle tantrums this way! Switch to fluoride toothpaste! Teach baby sign language! Validate emotions! Build sensory bins! Teach kids to meditate! Model self-regulation!
With each scroll, I felt increasingly inadequate. How could I be a confident, nurturing mom when I didn’t know half of what these experts suggested? It’s ironic: the advice meant to empower often leaves us doubting our abilities. Instead of simplifying our roles, it amplifies our mental load. It’s almost as if we’re outsourcing our feelings of overwhelm. And who needs more of that?
Then one day, after a small incident with my daughters, I was jolted back to reality. My oldest caught her sister rearranging her dollhouse without permission and, in frustration, knocked it over, sending toys flying.
“What are you doing?” I exclaimed, my patience wearing thin from the bickering and a now-upset preschooler in my arms.
Her reply was filled with the typical finger-wagging and empty threats, but also a spark of insight: the dollhouse represented our home. Not in its appearance—where was the art askew from playful antics?—but in how it made the dolls feel: silly, safe, and comforted.
That moment made me realize my goal wasn’t to absorb every piece of advice until I was overwhelmed with parenting strategies. Instead, my job is to nurture the sense of home that already exists—a safe, comforting memory in my girls’ lives. My oldest sees our home as a place filled with silliness and security, and that’s what I aspire for it to be now and in the future.
This has become my guiding principle in parenting. I envision my children as adults reflecting on their childhood, and I work backward from that vision. This end goal helps me filter out the noise and liberates me from the grip of social media experts.
In my approach to motherhood, I strive to be present, living in the moment—a practice I may have gleaned from Instagram. By envisioning the future and stepping back, I can navigate the present with confidence.
Of course, I can’t control what my kids will remember, but I can create moments that contribute to the childhood I desire for them. Like those school mornings when I reluctantly drag them from bed, only to pause and express my joy at seeing them. Or the countless little heartbreaks I’ve soothed with hugs and a listening ear, despite my instinct to jump straight to solutions.
I know I won’t be a perfect mother, even with all the advice I’ve consumed. Regardless of the insights I gather, impatience and rigidity would always be challenges in my parenting journey. But now I understand: when I focus on how my kids will remember their childhood and work backward from that idea, I find the freedom and confidence to enjoy this journey as well.
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