By: Mia Sullivan
Updated: Aug. 27, 2021
I embarked on my trauma therapy journey about three months ago. Coming to terms with my mother’s narcissistic behavior made me realize that much of my psychological turmoil stemmed from emotional neglect and abuse, leading to the recognition of my complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). Unlike traditional PTSD, which arises from a single traumatic event, CPTSD is the result of prolonged exposure to multiple traumas, often rooted in childhood experiences.
Reflecting on my childhood, I can pinpoint numerous instances of emotional abuse. I was often told it was my fault for having few friends, criticized for lacking “common sense,” and labeled as “too sensitive.” I was frequently pushed aside while my siblings enjoyed the limelight. My mother celebrated my brother’s long hair while she chopped mine off. My mental health struggles were dismissed, and while my brother received accolades for his looks, I was only recognized for being thin. Even my academic achievements, like my Phi Beta Kappa induction, went unnoticed by my mother, who often belittled my writing aspirations.
Recognizing my CPTSD prompted me to seek help from a trauma therapist.
The Process of Therapy
In weekly sessions with my therapist, I found support and understanding. I initially expected therapy to tackle the obvious issues—my loneliness and untreated depression—but instead, we explored the subtler, insidious events in my life that had fostered trauma over the years.
For instance, I learned that my name was chosen out of spite, as my mother had anticipated a boy. Such revelations were shocking, but I gradually came to understand how neglect and emotional abuse shaped my identity. I realized that I had been living as a mere reflection of my mother’s desires, not as my own person. This realization was painful, leaving me often overwhelmed, but my therapist reassured me that these feelings were common for children of narcissists.
Embracing Change
Through this journey, small changes began to emerge. A significant breakthrough came when I started to embrace my true identity. I had always longed for long blonde hair, but I finally acknowledged it was my mother’s preference, not my own. Now, I sport short, dark hair that feels authentic to me.
I also tackled my complicated relationship with food and body image. Acknowledging that my fixation on weight stemmed from my mother’s approval of thinness, I took steps to reclaim my self-worth. I even discarded jeans that represented outdated beliefs about my body.
In a liberating move, I decided to try raw tomatoes—something I thought I hated because my mother did. I discovered I actually enjoyed them.
More importantly, I reconnected with my love of punk rock music, which I had abandoned in an effort to please my parents. I began wearing punk-inspired clothing, attended shows, and even bought a drum set—something my parents never supported.
Thanks to therapy, I am gradually shedding the notion that I am a failure. I now recognize my accomplishments, including my writing and my role as a mother, and I am learning to appreciate them.
Finding Authenticity
At 40, I’ve spent too long responding to trauma instead of living authentically. I’ve embraced my individuality, regardless of what others think. I’m proud of my journey and the progress I’ve made, though I know there will still be ups and downs.
I’m becoming the person I was always meant to be, and that’s a journey worth taking.
For more insights on home insemination, check out this related blog post. If you’re interested in green initiatives around this topic, visit this resource. Additionally, for comprehensive information on pregnancy and insemination processes, refer to this excellent resource.
Search Queries:
- Home insemination methods
- CPTSD therapy techniques
- Emotional neglect in childhood
- Understanding narcissistic parents
- Finding your authentic self
Summary:
Mia Sullivan’s journey through trauma therapy has led her to understand and confront the emotional abuse stemming from her mother’s narcissistic behavior. Through weekly sessions, she has uncovered painful truths about her childhood, learned to embrace her individuality, and begun reclaiming her passions and identity. Now, at 40, she’s committed to living authentically and celebrates her progress, despite knowing challenges remain.