For nearly two years, Laura Simmons found herself in a harrowing custody struggle over her two-year-old daughter, Mia. She consistently implored the courts for sole custody or at the very least, to mandate supervised visitations. Mia’s father, Tom Reed, had exhibited alarming and threatening behavior towards Laura, including stalking and making chilling remarks during their disputes, such as, “You’ll regret this.”
During her pregnancy, Laura issued Tom an ultimatum: seek help for his anger issues or she would end their relationship. When he refused, she chose to leave. “I heard the common advice to escape an abusive relationship,” she shared with Home Insemination Kit. “But no one prepares you for what happens after you leave and enter family court. The abuse doesn’t stop; it intensifies.”
When Laura first appeared in court, she assumed any judge would recognize Tom’s hostile behavior and act accordingly. Unfortunately, she quickly realized she was fighting for both her and Mia’s safety. “The family court system often protects the abuser rather than the child,” she stated. “From my experience, the child’s safety isn’t prioritized in custody cases.”
The Best Interests of the Child?
While the principle of “best interests” for the child is often cited as a priority, Laura’s experiences reflect a troubling reality within the family court system. When mothers express fears for their own or their child’s safety, they are frequently met with skepticism, as judges may suspect they are exaggerating to gain custody or engaging in a tactic known as “parental alienation”—attempting to turn the child against the other parent. With limited evidence and often only conflicting testimonies to rely on, judges tend to favor father’s rights, operating under the assumption that children fare better with both parents involved—an assumption that can overshadow genuine claims of abuse.
In Laura’s case, when she reported Tom’s stalking and his failure to comply with court orders, which she categorized as physical child abuse, the presiding judge dismissed her concerns. “Grow up,” was the response from Judge Megan Scott, who failed to see the imminent danger. “Because of Judge Scott,” Laura remarked, “Mia will never grow up.”
Believe Women
It might be easy to empathize with judges and decision-makers in custody cases who lean towards granting accused parents the benefit of the doubt. Divorce and separation can be tumultuous, leading to heightened emotions and retaliatory behavior. However, similar to cases of alleged sexual assault, instances of mothers fabricating abuse claims for personal gain are exceedingly rare.
A 2019 study by the Healthline Institute analyzed 27 custody cases where allegations of abuse were initially doubted but later confirmed. In every instance, the father was found to be the abusive party while the mother fought to safeguard her child. Initially, the courts expressed skepticism about the mothers’ motives, with two-thirds being labeled as “pathological,” and 59% of fathers awarded sole or joint custody. Alarmingly, 88% of these children reported experiencing further abuse after the initial court ruling.
Laura’s situation is indicative of a broader trend where mothers face repercussions for reporting their ex-partner’s abusive behavior, often risking custody of their children. She recalled her attorney warning her that claiming abuse could undermine her “credibility” in court.
Recently, in a similar situation, Rachel Martinez had been urgently seeking court protection for herself and her four-year-old son, Ethan, from Ethan’s father, who had become increasingly erratic. After sending Rachel threatening messages, the court denied Rachel’s request for a protective order, leading to a tragic outcome where Ethan’s father took his own life after fatally harming the boy.
A Mother’s Mission for Change
“Taking a child’s life is the ultimate revenge for an abuser,” Laura emphasized. This underscores the critical need for family courts to thoroughly investigate allegations of abuse.
Despite previous reports from Child Protective Services indicating Tom’s aggressive behavior and his purchase of firearms when Mia was only six months old, the court deemed the situation “low risk.” Laura lamented, “Over half a million children are ordered into the custody of parents who are abusing them physically, sexually, or psychologically. Imagine being forced to live with your abuser, with no escape.”
At her last court appearance, Judge Scott infamously stated, “This is not a life or death situation.” Yet, for Laura, it was indeed a matter of life and death. She will never hold her beloved Mia again. The judicial system failed her just as much as Tom did.
Legislation for Child Safety
In New York, Laura is actively collaborating with lawmakers to pass three key bills aimed at enhancing protections for children, including one known as Mia’s Law. This proposed legislation prioritizes child safety, mandates judicial training, and seeks to eliminate practices that enable abusers to gain custody.
Another bill aims to reform supervised visitation, ensuring that children in abusive environments are swiftly protected and that the non-offending parent is granted sole custody. A third bill would require child custody evaluators to be trained in recognizing domestic violence, child abuse, and trauma.
Laura has faced considerable challenges in her advocacy, grappling with the trauma and grief following Mia’s tragic death. “My mind felt scrambled,” she confessed. “I struggled to articulate my thoughts through the pain.” Nevertheless, she perseveres, motivated to prevent other children from facing a fate like Mia’s.
Despite financial constraints, Laura has traveled to Albany and Washington, D.C., repeatedly seizing opportunities to engage with lawmakers, even studying their photographs to ensure she could identify them and make her voice heard.
What You Can Do
Laura encourages anyone in similar circumstances to act: “Until we implement legislative changes, more children will be court-ordered into the homes of abusive parents.” She urges individuals to contact their legislators, share their stories, and advocate for reforms.
“Advocacy can take many forms,” she advises. “From reaching out to elected officials, asking questions at town halls, to joining committees focused on reform.”
“Every day, I strive to make Mia proud,” Laura said, channeling her daughter’s spirit and energy into her advocacy work. Her hope is that her efforts will lead to meaningful change, protecting countless children in the future.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline for support and guidance.
For additional insights on pregnancy and home insemination, you can refer to this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination and check out Kyra’s Law for further information on advocacy efforts.