Menu | Parenting
By Jennifer Hayes
Updated: August 20, 2023
Originally Published: March 4, 2023
Remember those days when your fantasies revolved around your partner’s physique? You know, before it became about him fetching ice cream from the fridge while you binge-watch your favorite shows? Ah, welcome to reality. Keep your excitement in check, you little minx.
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Your partner pulls into the driveway behind the wheel of a shiny new minivan. “What happened to the sports car?” you ask with a playful tone. He looks deeply into your eyes, and your heart races. “I’ve come to understand your perspective; I’m ready to embrace adulthood,” he asserts, confidently. You share a sweet kiss until your toddler interrupts with a loud giggle. “I hope you secured those car seats properly!” you tease.
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Dinner is underway when your partner’s phone buzzes. He glances at it and slips it back into his pocket. “Who was that?” you curiously ask. “Just my boss,” he replies nonchalantly. “He can wait; this is our family time. You were right, he’s a classic narcissist.” A thrill runs through you, only to fade as you serve the green beans.
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Your mom calls on the landline, a purchase you made just to ease her worries about emergency situations. Your partner answers, and his face lights up. “Mom!” he exclaims warmly. “Why don’t you call more often? I was planning to check in. How’s everything with that troublesome landlord?” You swoon as you sneak away to avoid the conversation.
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“What do you think about spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family this year?” he suggests with a charming smile. “I’ve realized my mom can be a bit undermining, and it stresses you out.” You reach for one another, momentarily forgetting you’re nursing your infant, who is playfully batting at his father’s face.
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“Wow! How did I get so lucky with a woman who’s nearly at her goal weight after two kids?” he exclaims in a deep voice. “And you also still enjoy intimacy a few times a month. You’re my dream come true.” You flutter your lashes and whisper, “Let’s not forget about the lingerie I wore to conceive our oldest.” He reaches for you, but alas, you’re in the middle of a teeth whitening session.
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“I’m so excited for the new season of Real Housewives tonight!” he says, eyes sparkling. “I’ll handle bedtime so you can watch live and share your thoughts. Let me pour you some rosé without a hint of sarcasm.” You feel a rush of excitement, oh wait, it’s probably time to nurse again.
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“I adore reheated casseroles!” he chuckles with a boyish grin. “It’s a thrilling gamble whether they’ll be piping hot or lukewarm.” You smile, shaking your head playfully. “Not tonight, handsome. The kids already devoured it. Want some Chex instead?” He gives you a soft kiss on the neck, grateful for your thoughtfulness about his diet.
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“Are those new undergarments?” he asks, barely containing his desire. “Oh no,” you giggle. “These are maternity ones that fit again after I gained a few pounds.” “You’re driving me wild,” he groans, playfully grabbing you again.
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“What about pursuing a second career?” he inquires thoughtfully. “You’re much too bright not to return to your field. I could take on an extra job to help fund your MFA.” You caress his cheek, saying, “That’s incredibly sweet, but we can’t kiss just yet—Madison is on the potty.”
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“What’s this?” you ask, noticing him stride in with a bag from Rite Aid. “This is the family calendar you’ve been wanting,” he replies, determination in his voice. “I also got markers so we can organize our schedules and avoid mishaps like forgetting Holden’s birthday party. It’s crucial for raising secure kids.” You catch your breath and bite your lip. Later, you might enjoy a romantic evening together, perhaps before the week is out.
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Summary:
This article humorously captures the daydreams of modern moms, showcasing relatable scenarios where partners step up in unexpected ways. From thoughtful gestures to playful banter, these lighthearted fantasies reflect the unique challenges and joys of parenting.