As a parent, I’ve always been aware of my own struggles with body image and disordered eating, issues that have followed me since my teenage years. Now in my 40s, I have a daughter and three sons. When my daughter was born, I promised myself that I would protect her from the cycle of self-criticism that I had experienced. I believed she was too young to worry about such things at just five years old.
One evening, as she brushed her hair after a shower, dressed in her favorite JoJo Siwa gown and fuzzy slippers, she turned to me and said, “Mom, I don’t like the way my eyes look.” My heart sank. How could this be happening? She’s still just a little girl.
When I asked her why, she said it was because her eyes were brown. I was taken aback; I wasn’t sure why she thought that was a negative trait. I told her I loved her brown eyes and wished I had a pair just like them, but she shook her head in disagreement. I decided not to push the issue further, hoping it was just a fleeting thought.
Later that night, after tucking her in, I broke down in the hallway, tears streaming down my face. I had hoped my daughter would escape the painful self-scrutiny that had plagued me for decades. It’s a miserable existence that damages every relationship. When you focus solely on your flaws, you can’t experience joy. I couldn’t bear the thought of her feeling that way.
Did someone say something to her? Had she seen a video on YouTube? Was I a bad parent for allowing her to have screen time? I tried hard not to speak negatively about myself around her, but the doubt crept in.
I reached out to my husband, expressing my anguish and guilt. I feared I was the cause of her insecurity. He reassured me that it wasn’t my fault; she might have simply heard someone comment on the beauty of green or blue eyes. While it eased my mind a bit, I still felt unsettled.
I asked my older sons if they’d ever teased her about her eyes. They assured me they hadn’t, and I trusted them; they were not the type to pick on her. Then it hit me: she was the only one in our family with brown eyes. Not just any brown, but a rich chestnut with a beautiful sparkle. I had perhaps made too much of a fuss over how stunning they were, unintentionally making her feel different. I wanted to uplift her, but it seemed I had made her self-conscious instead.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I recalled how I had been teased for my large breasts at a young age. The hurtful comments stuck with me, leading to years of insecurity. It became clear to me that even compliments, when focused too much on physical traits, could lead to discomfort.
Going forward, I plan to be more mindful with my compliments. I will continue to affirm her beauty and intelligence but will do so in a more balanced way. Instead of emphasizing one feature, I’ll highlight her achievements and unique qualities. I want her to understand that she is perfect just as she is, and that there is no one else like her. I’ll remain sincere in my praise while keeping it subtle. And in my heart, I will always cherish her beautiful brown eyes, as they truly are the loveliest I’ve ever seen.
For more insights on parenting and self-esteem, you can check out this related blog post or explore the resources available at the CDC. If you’re interested in understanding more about self-esteem issues, visit Intracervical Insemination.
Summary:
In this article, a mother reflects on her experiences with body image issues and how her well-meaning compliments to her daughter about her brown eyes may have inadvertently caused her daughter to feel insecure. She recognizes the importance of balanced praise and aims to foster her daughter’s self-esteem by focusing on her unique qualities and achievements while being mindful not to overemphasize physical traits.