Welcome to our Spring 2015 toddler course offerings! If your little one is nearing the age of two, be sure to discuss registration options with your educational adviser.
Fashion Fundamentals: The Pants Predicament
This introductory class breaks down the reasons behind parental insistence on pants-wearing (think societal expectations and chilly weather). Participants will receive expert advice on how to resist: are bicycle kicks failing? Struggling to achieve desired results with your go-to strategy of screaming “NO PANTS! NO PANTS! JUST STOP!”? Let our team of seasoned 4-year-olds guide you through the art of “firm refusal.” (Wednesdays and Fridays, 6 PM – 9 PM)
Shelf Raiding 101
Join us in the library for a hands-on experience that’s sure to frustrate the staff! This course will focus on the thrill of pulling items from high shelves, much to the chagrin of librarians and cleaning crews. (Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, 7 PM – 9 PM)
Navigating Toddlerhood
Are you new to this stage of life? This class will equip you with essential skills before diving into more specialized topics. Guest lecturers will address important issues such as: accessing cabinets full of hazardous cleaners, sneezing on loved ones, and mastering the competitive eating of Goldfish Crackers. Perfect your innocent smile while smearing avocado into the family pet’s fur! (Mondays and Wednesdays, 12 PM – 4 PM)
Demanding Your Favorite Shows
Longing for Calliou or an endless loop of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? This popular class teaches toddlers with a limited vocabulary how to persuade adults into compliance. (One Week Intensive: Monday – Friday, 1 PM – 8 PM)
Strategic Lego Placement
Want to ensure your parents step on Legos in the dark? This fun class will provide tips on optimal play areas (especially where adults walk) and strategies for leaving toys in precarious locations. (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, 7 PM – 9 PM)
(Prerequisite: “Where to Leave Small Matchbox Cars So That Your Parents Will Step on Them in the Dark.”)
The Art of Not Sharing
Due to high demand, this class fills up quickly. Act fast! If you miss out, it’s too bad; no amount of crying will secure you a spot. This is our class, not yours. (Tuesdays and Fridays, 12 PM – 3 PM)
Mastering the Slow Walk
Classes commence at 4 PM and are located 200 feet from campus, along a path littered with intriguing sticks and scraps of paper. Anyone arriving promptly will receive a failing grade. (Wednesdays and Fridays, 4 PM – 6 PM)
Crib Climbing Techniques
Tired of being confined to your crib? This high-energy course is perfect for toddlers eager to escape and explore. Our instructors will teach traditional methods of crib departure (like using stuffed animals as a stepping stool) while addressing questions like “Does it hurt to fall on hardwood?” and “Can I swing from my mobile like Tarzan?” (Wednesdays, 8 PM – 4 AM)
Food Refusal Skills
Learn to expertly reject delicious, nutritious meals simply because they touch other foods or contain “green things.” Our in-house chefs will prepare a five-course feast for you to push away, throw on the floor, or rub into your hair while emitting protest sounds. (Mondays and Thursdays, 6 PM – 9 PM)
Intermediate Creative Expression
Just because you’re not fluent in language doesn’t mean you can’t express yourself! This class encourages creativity using glue, permanent markers, and your parents’ furniture. (Tuesdays and Thursdays, 12 PM – 3 PM)
For more insights on parenting and fertility options, check out this excellent resource for those considering family planning. Additionally, if you’re exploring at-home insemination options, don’t miss our post on the Cryobaby kit. And for anyone looking to understand what to expect post-embryo transfer, here’s a great guide.
In summary, this Spring 2015 toddler course catalog offers a humorous yet insightful look into the delightful chaos of toddlerhood, complete with a range of courses aimed at nurturing the mischievous spirit of little ones while keeping parents on their toes.