By: Sarah Thompson
Updated: May 4, 2020
Originally Published: Sep. 25, 2015
I used to take pride in my ability to remain calm in stressful environments. Serenity was my specialty—well, that is until I became a parent. Having children has significantly diminished my once impressive ability to stay composed. My little ones have the uncanny talent to turn a peaceful moment into a chaotic episode, especially in the grocery store.
It’s baffling how a simple trip to the grocery store can transform my children into hyperactive creatures straight from a horror film. The thought of our shopping excursions fills me with dread, making it difficult to sleep the night before. On top of dealing with my children’s unpredictable moods, I must also navigate through a maze of slow walkers, incessant chatter from fellow shoppers, seniors looking for discounts, and the ultimate challenge: the coupon enthusiasts.
Let me clarify: I’m all for saving money. If I could serve ramen noodles for dinner every night without facing the consequences of a diet high in sodium and low in nutrition, I would. I once tried my hand at couponing, but it mostly resulted in cramping fingers and a lot of frustration. Is it really worth buying seven boxes of granola bars just to get one half off? By the time I’m done clipping coupons, I might as well have budgeted for the Band-Aids I’d need for my sore thumbs!
For me, the return on investment just isn’t there. I refuse to sacrifice my binge-watching sessions of House of Cards for a measly 35 cents. However, there are women out there who have mastered the art of discount shopping, honing their skills through years of flipping through weekly ads and Sunday papers. They are like Jedi warriors in yoga pants, navigating the aisles with ease.
Today, however, the woman in front of me in the checkout line was not one of those seasoned pros. She was an amateur, visibly shaken as she flipped through her coupons while sweating profusely at the sight of her accumulating total. I did my best to keep my kids entertained while she painstakingly checked each coupon for discrepancies, but there’s only so much amusement to be found in the cramped checkout lane.
As she rifled through her coupons, I could sense her anxiety rising. Was it because my children were behind her pretending to be pirates? Did she feel my glare boring into her back, silently questioning her life choices that led her to buy 23 sticks of deodorant? After holding my breath and counting to ten multiple times, it was finally time to reveal her savings.
“Looks like you saved $3.47 today,” announced the teenage cashier.
“What? Just $3.47?” the woman exclaimed in disbelief.
In a frantic search for what I imagined would be a miraculous coupon that could save her the cost of a small car, she dug deep into her purse. Meanwhile, I worked to stave off mini-meltdowns from my son by bribing him with peanut M&M’s while resisting the urge to hurl them at her. Eventually, she triumphantly produced a coupon, her face lit up with hope.
“Found it!” she declared, handing over the coupon, clearly expecting her moment of glory to arrive. This was the moment she had been waiting for—the validation of her efforts, the acknowledgment of her arthritic thumbs, the justification for all the time spent pursuing her elusive discounts.
As I stood behind her, contemplating whether to throw one of those discounted cans of mixed vegetables at her minivan, my frustration began to fade. I thought about starting a slow clap, but my children were busy doing jumping jacks on a display of Doritos, and my sanity was dwindling.
Finally, the cashier recalculated her total. “With that coupon, you saved another dollar, ma’am.” The woman beamed, swiping her debit card and giving the rest of us a look that dared us to judge her.
As she triumphantly wheeled away her cart, I considered following her outside to confront her about her chaotic checkout process. But ultimately, I let it go.
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In summary, navigating the grocery store with children in tow while dealing with inexperienced couponers can be an exercise in patience. Despite the chaos, it’s a reminder that every outing holds its own set of challenges—and sometimes, the best we can do is just survive the trip.