Aug. 18, 2021
The challenges of this pandemic are undeniable, but as a parent, it feels like a different kind of struggle. Am I okay? Not today. I found myself in a moment that could easily be part of a heartbreaking film. Perhaps I’m being dramatic, but I’ve never felt more isolated than I did today, sitting on the ground sobbing in a bustling park. Dramatic? Or a true reflection of what many parents are experiencing: alone, scared, and frustrated.
Painting the Picture
I’ve always been a generally anxious person. I often suffer from what I refer to as “catastrophe anxiety,” where I tend to assume the worst in any situation. Hiking? I imagine a volcano eruption. A trip to the beach? I brace for a tidal wave. A global pandemic? I fear that everyone I care about is at risk.
I understand that my fears may be irrational, but they are also overwhelming. Over the past year and a half, I’ve fixated on keeping my family safe—quarantining, wearing masks, shedding tears, sanitizing groceries, and missing out on countless experiences. The hardest part? Watching my three-year-old miss out on her childhood while I try to keep her safe. What’s even more challenging is seeing other families enjoying their lives without apparent worry.
I’m not here to judge anyone; every parent is facing their own set of daunting choices during this time. Yet, I often question myself: Why am I so fearful? Why can’t I just move on like others seem to? It feels like more than just my usual anxiety, and nothing I do seems to offer the right answers.
The Dilemma of Safety
Fortunately, Covid hasn’t impacted children greatly until recently. I’m grateful my toddler is willing to wear her mask, allowing her to step into the dun dun dun public world. Yet, I see other kids without masks, running around happily, while I feel like I’m overreacting for wanting to keep my child safe.
Rationally, I know other parents are likely just as worried, but emotionally, that thought is hard to digest.
Naturally, my pediatrician has become my confidante. We discuss the latest pandemic updates, safety measures, and what I should be careful of, but our conversations often end in uncertainty. We agree that socialization is crucial for kids, and yes, kids aged two and up should be wearing masks, even if others aren’t. We also talk about how outdoor activities are generally safer than indoor ones, acknowledging that sometimes you have to choose your battles.
Despite this, I still find myself making difficult decisions: should I let my child enjoy being a kid, risking exposure to Covid, or keep her safe at the cost of her childhood? How is this even a reality?
Finding a Balance
Recently, I decided to find a balance between safety and letting my child play. After discussing with her doctor, we determined playgrounds were “safe” with her wearing a mask, as long as we practiced good hygiene afterward.
With some hesitation, we went to the playground today. My daughter, masked and excited, explored the area. However, every time another child approached, she would shy away. Jab #1… I realized how this pandemic has impacted her social skills. The park grew crowded, and we moved to quieter areas, trying to maintain distance. Eventually, I reached a breaking point and said it was time to leave. Naturally, she resisted, and in a moment of frustration, she tore off her mask. Jab #2… I panicked and tried to sanitize her hands before she touched her face. She fought back, and we ended up on the ground, both in tears.
From an outsider’s perspective, I must have looked like an overly anxious parent, desperately trying to control the situation. That’s when I lost it—sobbing in the middle of a crowded park with my upset toddler on my lap, surrounded by carefree families who didn’t even notice us. In that moment, I felt utterly alone.
This scene perfectly encapsulated my feelings of isolation. I sat there crying for what felt like an eternity before I gathered my composure and picked up my daughter. Today was tough; tomorrow may be better, but today I felt alone and afraid, longing for a sense of community.
A Message to Fellow Parents
To all the parents facing these impossible decisions, I want you to know that I see you. No matter how you navigate Covid with your children, I understand that your choices are not made lightly. Please see me too.
For more insights, check out this post and learn more about navigating parenting during these times. You can also explore this authority on the topic for additional resources. Additionally, the Genetics and IVF Institute offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
In the midst of a chaotic playground, a parent grapples with anxiety and feelings of isolation brought on by the pandemic. As they witness other families seemingly carefree, they question their own cautious choices for their child’s safety. A moment of emotional overwhelm leads to tears and reflection on the challenges of parenting during these uncertain times. Despite the difficulties, the parent reaches out to connect with others facing similar struggles.