Updated: March 14, 2018
Originally Published: March 13, 2015
Dear strangers in the bustling Costco parking lot,
I’m sure you watched in amazement as we maneuvered our sizable 15-passenger van into a tight spot, sandwiched between a sleek Miata and a compact Smart Car. You observed our efforts to unload our family with the utmost grace and organization. After what felt like an eternity of 23 minutes, we finally emerged from the van, accompanied by our seven children and three carts for our weekly grocery haul.
You likely had plenty of thoughts as one child, wearing mismatched footwear—an open-toed sandal on his right foot and a duct-taped rubber boot on the left—trudged along. Meanwhile, another child sported pajama pants that were comically short, paired with a faded pajama shirt featuring Thomas The Train, all because he refuses to dress with his eyes open.
It’s a lost cause at this point.
Our toddler was dressed as if preparing for a yacht party, while another child was outfitted for a day on the slopes. And the child in the cart, crying? He was not protesting the Costco experience; rather, he was upset about being clothed during our shopping trip.
You gazed at our chaotic parade with a mix of horror and intrigue, perhaps wondering, “Why on earth do they have SEVEN children?” Let’s pause for a moment to reflect on this number. Seven is not an enormous figure. If I told you I had seven goldfish, you might ask if I have other pets. Mentioning seven pairs of shoes would likely yield a yawn. But seven kids? That reaction was akin to asking you to wrestle a bald eagle for dinner.
Once we passed the Costco entrance, we crafted our way through the crowds, intent on filling our carts and sampling every edible delight available. You might have been horrified as you witnessed a lanky teenager in tattered shorts and a Seahawks jersey devour 14 paper samples of microwaveable beef Wellington in mere moments, only to go back for more. This young man is the reason we frequent Costco. He’s the inspiration behind our upgrade to an EXECUTIVE Membership after a cashier remarked, “Mrs. Thompson, you spend more here than most families.” Imagine that—at home, we refer to him as The Very Hungry Teenager. He can devour an entire meal, then ask if anyone is finishing their food with a straight face.
So, it’s safe to say we are practically part of the Costco family, taking note of other patrons’ reactions to our crew as they load their carts with frozen burritos and snacks.
Since discussing my family size with strangers in the cheese aisle has become a pastime of mine, I happily field your inquiries. In fact, I’ve compiled a handy list for your reference, should you encounter us again, so you can be prepared with new questions next time. Here goes:
- Q: Cute baby. Is she the last?
A: For this year, yes. - Q: Why so many kids?
A: It boosts our chances of ending up in a nice nursing home. - Q: Do all your kids have the same dad?
A: For now, yes…. - Q: What’s your monthly food bill like?
A: What’s your mortgage? - Q: How will you afford their college tuition?
A: It’s heartwarming that you think my kids might qualify for a college that doesn’t involve clowns or trained animals. - Q: Is it loud at home?
A: Didn’t catch that. What did you say? - Q: Are you trying to emulate that family with nineteen kids?
A: Absolutely, because the number 7 is basically just as close to 19 as it gets! - Q: Why is that one taking off his clothes?
A: Don’t worry; he’ll stop when he realizes we’re just buying mustard.
There you have it! I trust that satisfies some of your curiosity.
Looking back, I’m sure you’ve blocked out the scene at the checkout line, which involved a twirling sister, a sprawling brother, runaway oranges, a Flop Tantrum, and a flying churro. After St. Peter (the esteemed receipt angel) gave us the nod, we made our way back to the van and headed home—much to your relief, I’m sure.
Now, as I sip my coffee, I reminisce about another weekly Costco adventure I eagerly anticipate. You’re always welcome to join us on our next outing. We love making new friends! Just promise you won’t show us up by dressing like “normal” people. You’ll need to don outfits fit for a yacht, a slumber party, or a ski resort.
For more information on family planning, check out this excellent resource on infertility. And if you’re looking to boost fertility, consider visiting this blog post for helpful tips.
In summary, navigating Costco with a large family can be a spectacle, but we embrace the chaos and enjoy every moment. The curious stares and questions are just part of our adventure.