“Why are you so loud?”
“Your energy feels aggressive.”
“You’re acting a bit unhinged.”
“Just take it down a notch.”
“That’s not very ladylike.”
“You seem a bit harsh.”
I’ve been on the receiving end of all these comments. I’m labeled as too loud, too enthusiastic, too assertive, too emotional, too sensitive. While I may embody some of these traits, I’m certainly not “too” anything.
The real issue for those making these remarks is that I’m a woman who speaks her mind without hesitation. I don’t shy away from expressing myself with confidence, and I certainly don’t start every statement with, “I’m sorry, but…” or “I hope I’m not coming off as rude.” I am not disrespectful or unkind, but I refuse to sugarcoat my thoughts just to fit someone else’s definition of polite. The patriarchy can take a hike.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that I “talk like a man.” It’s not about my choice of language; it’s about my ability to communicate what I think and feel when the moment calls for it. I don’t engage in bullying or intimidation, but I won’t remain silent when I feel mistreated or believe I deserve better.
If I’m due for a raise, I’ll ask for it. If someone hurts my feelings, I’ll express why and how so we can resolve it and move on. When did being direct and honest become a “manly” trait? I don’t associate these characteristics with any gender; rather, it seems that when a woman exhibits them, she’s dismissed as “bitchy,” “pushy,” or “rude.” Sure, I can be all those things (just like anyone else), especially when faced with negativity, but I’m not more of those things than any other flawed human being.
I’m not overly bold or loud or aggressive. I’m passionate. I care deeply about everything from raising my incredible kids to fighting for social justice, enjoying great literature, and discovering the best coffee the West Coast has to offer (Stumptown, anyone?). I’m devoted to feminism, equal rights, and advocating for paid parental leave. The patriarchy is uncomfortable with passionate women because we’re the ones who make things happen.
Since childhood, I’ve been told to “calm down” or “relax.” It took time to recognize that those weren’t my burdens to carry. I used to feel self-conscious about my loud voice, my quirky laugh, or my vibrant energy among friends. But growing up, I realized those traits helped me stand out and achieve my goals, making others laugh in the process. And guess what? I genuinely enjoy bringing joy to others. I’m not overly hyper; I’m witty and sarcastic. I’m not too loud; I’m courageous and bold.
I absolutely refuse to be told to “calm down.” Pursuing my passions means charging ahead with enthusiasm. I no longer permit anyone to patronize me for the qualities I proudly embrace. If you condescend to me by suggesting I should relax, I will not shrink away. I’ll stand my ground and tell you to back off. (I communicate “like a man,” remember?) I can’t keep calm and fight against the patriarchy, and I have no intention of changing who I am.
The stereotype of women being “crazy” or overly emotional is an age-old narrative. When women express their feelings—whether it’s excitement, sadness, or anger—the world often tries to silence us, labeling us as “hysterical.” We must stop letting them diminish our voices! Yes, we might be emotional, but there’s certainly a lot worth feeling passionately about right now. The world is both beautiful and cruel, and we have a responsibility to work towards making it better for future generations.
So, as we challenge the patriarchal norms, let’s embrace our emotions. It’s healthy and liberating to express ourselves. I refuse to bottle up my feelings just to appear more composed. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks about it. If my authenticity is “too much” for someone, they can simply exit stage left.
To all the women resonating with this message, know that you are not “too much” of anything. Don’t allow your partners, friends, family, or colleagues to stifle you. Society may try to convince you that you’re an outsider, but being true to yourself means you’re rising above and demanding progress. Do not let the patriarchy hold you back any longer. Embrace your passion. Speak loudly. Persist. The world needs your voice now more than ever.
Solidarity.
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Summary:
This article empowers women who have been labeled as “too much” for their outspoken and passionate nature. It challenges the societal norms that discourage women from being direct and emotional, encouraging them to embrace their true selves. By rejecting the patriarchy’s attempts to stifle their voices, women are urged to remain bold, passionate, and authentic in their pursuits.