You find yourself feeling exasperated as your children resist sleep each night, yearning for just an hour of peace and quiet. You juggle work, bills, and the endless needs of your kids, all while another adult drifts in and out of their lives, as though parenting is merely a casual pastime. Your heart sinks a bit when your children behave impeccably in the presence of that other parent. You hold back your frustrations because someone must take the high road. You are the “there” parent.
Your role is inherently more challenging and frustrating, but that’s perfectly alright. The “there” parent may not be as thrilling as the “not there” parent. Your arrival doesn’t build anticipation; your presence isn’t viewed as a special event. Instead, you provide stability in your children’s lives. A “constant” is something that remains unchanged, and that brings a sense of security to your kids. They will never have to perform or modify their behavior for fear of disappointing you or questioning your absence. Small acts of defiance show that they feel safe enough to be themselves around you.
Being “there” may lack excitement or glamour, but the unspoken understanding that your presence is simply a part of their daily lives is a profound gift. Your children will never doubt your commitment, allowing them to focus on being genuine. While they may not light up with joy when you enter a room, it’s simply because you are a familiar presence. The “not there” parent shines like a spotlight, amplifying moments into thrilling experiences, whereas the “there” parent serves as a soft nightlight, providing essential comfort and reassurance.
Embracing the “there” role is undoubtedly hard. You may feel overlooked or underappreciated, and the burden of responsibility falls largely on your shoulders. Yet, the rewards of being the consistent figure in their lives are immeasurable, something the “not there” parent may never fully grasp.
To all the single, present parents out there — if you haven’t heard it recently, let this be your reminder: you’re doing a fantastic job. You are there for your children, and that makes all the difference.
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In summary, being the “there” parent provides stability and comfort for your children, allowing them to be their true selves without the pressure of performing for your attention. The rewards of this role are profound, reminding you that your consistent presence is the greatest gift you can offer.