Dear Stay-at-Home Mom,
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps you’re pulling at your damp hair while searching for a connection, hoping for a glimpse of solidarity from someone who understands your experience. (And if it’s truly been “one of those days,” you might be grappling with hair that’s seen better days.) You may have weary eyes and stains on your shirt, yet you’re staying up late, yearning for meaningful conversations that go beyond “How’s your jogger stroller?” or “Is your little one sleeping through the night?” Like many, you might be seeking reassurance that you’re not alone.
I won’t claim to have all the answers, but I can assure you that you are not alone in this journey.
The Challenges of Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
Being a stay-at-home mom is a tough gig. It can feel isolating and incredibly lonely, even when you’re surrounded by your energetic children. Every meal and every bathroom visit morphs into a family affair, yet that doesn’t diminish the sense of solitude. (I often find myself meandering through the aisles of the grocery store, hoping for a friendly smile from a stranger, just to spark a conversation.)
I know you’re tired of hearing how fortunate you are to stay at home, as if that magically erases the challenges you face. Those well-meaning comments can amplify the guilt many of us contend with—why don’t you feel blessed all the time?
I understand that staying home isn’t always a choice. While people may say, “Oh, it’s so nice you can be with your child,” the reality is that childcare can be exorbitantly priced. Sometimes, the math just doesn’t work out; your paycheck may barely cover childcare and commuting expenses. You’re navigating this complex landscape, and I get it.
The Daily Struggles
I know you rarely savor a hot cup of coffee, and showers are often a luxury. Nap times aren’t your time to relax; instead, they’re filled with chores—paying bills, washing dishes, tidying up, or prepping meals. Maybe you can grab a snack before your child wakes, but the microwave’s ding often coincides with adorable but loud “I’m awake!” calls from the monitor.
It’s frustrating when others joke about your role, trivializing the hard work you put in or envying your ability to lounge in pajamas at 2 p.m. on a weekday. You may laugh along, but I know that inside, you’re seething, feeling angry at their lack of appreciation for the sacrifices you make—sacrifices that many of our mothers made for us.
Asking for Help
This is why asking for help can be so daunting. You might fear that your needs are insignificant or that you’re failing. But let me tell you this: you are not a failure.
Has anyone reminded you how incredible you are, both as a mom and as an individual? You are everything to your little ones. You’re their chef, their teacher, their buddy, their guide, and their protector. Although it often feels thankless, what you do is nothing short of amazing, and you should take pride in it!
Some might suggest finding a hobby if you’re feeling discontent, but we both know it’s not that straightforward. There are various factors to consider—financial constraints, childcare logistics, and the guilt that accompanies taking time for yourself. Even the best intentions can crumble under unexpected circumstances (like that time my toddler was stuck at home with a cold).
Embracing Your Feelings
You’re not a bad person for longing for the mundane moments of life before parenting, nor should you feel guilty for questioning your choices. I’ve had days where I’ve regretted becoming a parent, and those feelings shook me to my core. But you are not alone; these thoughts are more common than you might think. They’re human, and they don’t make you inadequate. They remind you that you’re still you.
It’s not all doom and gloom, though. You cherish those incredible moments—like your child’s first laugh or their first steps. You appreciate the little daily rituals, such as sharing snacks or enjoying storytime. But it’s crucial to acknowledge that it’s okay to have tough days. You shouldn’t feel guilty for your feelings of frustration, sadness, or even indifference.
Finding Support
What you need to hear (and what all parents need to hear) is that it’s perfectly fine to let the dishes pile up. It’s okay to feel annoyed at your partner for having a life outside the home. It’s acceptable to miss your former self. The transition to motherhood can feel all-consuming, leaving little room for anything beyond being “Mom.”
These sentiments are rarely spoken about, yet they’re essential to recognize. This isn’t a complaint; it’s an honest reflection of the experience of a stay-at-home mom. I want to remind you that it’s okay to feel disheartened and that there are others who can relate to your struggles. Whether you adore every moment of motherhood or find it challenging, you’re not alone. Seek out the support of fellow moms; together, you can uplift each other.
So don’t hesitate to be authentic and share your truth.