There’s nothing quite like being 3,000 miles away from home, feeling stressed and jet-lagged, while managing two energetic kids to really make you question your parenting abilities. This has been my reality over the past week as I navigate a “vacation” in California with my children, visiting friends and family. My two-year-old has taken nearly a week to acclimate to the new time zone, leading to countless whiny episodes and crying fits. He keeps asking when we can return home (trust me, I’m wondering that too!). Meanwhile, my picky eight-year-old has subsisted on nothing but cereal and chips.
What a joy it’s been.
Every morning, as we head down for the continental breakfast, the arguments begin. They bicker with each other: “Stop touching me! That’s my chair! Quit saying my name!” They argue with us: “But you promised we could have chocolate for breakfast!” They even debate the food: my eight-year-old insists that California milk tastes entirely different from New York milk; my two-year-old claims the pancakes aren’t round enough.
And they are loud. Excruciatingly loud. Their high-pitched voices never seem to stop. They stand on chairs, crawl under tables, and create kingdoms out of toast and waffles. It’s a spectacle—one child has strawberry jam smeared across his nose, while the other has his hand down his pants. They are unruly and messy—far from civilized.
We attempt to shush them, and they somewhat comply, but the reality is that they are simply acting wild.
In my earlier days of motherhood, the disapproving glare from a fellow diner would have pierced my heart. I would have turned that judgment inward, questioning my worthiness as a mother. My negative thoughts would have run wild:
- Why are my children the loudest in the room? Look at that family next to us—silently enjoying their breakfast, cutting their waffles into perfect squares. Even their baby knows to open his mouth for the green mush.
- Why won’t my kids follow simple instructions? It’s as if they don’t recognize my authority at all.
- Other parents have strategies—discipline books, sticker charts. That’s it! Stickers! I should try that.
Even now, as we navigate public spaces with our cranky children, I find myself feeling like our parenting is under scrutiny—not just in the hotel breakfast area, but also when I’m around family and friends I haven’t seen in ages, whose opinions I value highly.
Feeling self-conscious about your children’s behavior in those moments can be overwhelming, akin to reliving middle school awkwardness. Your cheeks flush, your heart races, and you feel a surge of anger mixed with fear. You want to lock yourself in a bathroom stall to cry, but there’s no escaping. You are the one in charge, with no shortcuts.
Yet, through it all, I cling to one important truth that I’ve learned over the years: I am not alone.
And neither are you.
I often resent it when people tell struggling parents that they are not alone. In the thick of chaos, it feels like you’re completely isolated. But it’s essential to remember that every parent experiences those moments of uncertainty—especially when they’re out of their comfort zone and feel like they’re under the watchful eyes of the world.
So, to all parents out there wrestling with their spirited kiddos:
- Your children are not the only ones who wail in public, despite your best efforts to ensure they’re well-rested and prepared for outings.
- Your kids aren’t the only ones who disregard cleanliness and decorum.
- You’re not the only parents whose children take “spirited” to a whole new level—dancing on tables, belting out songs, begging for candy at dawn, and flashing their belly buttons to strangers.
- You’re not the only one who feels utterly lost in these moments. Many of us are simply navigating this journey as we go along.
What others see (and what you see in those challenging moments) is just a snapshot of your life with your children. It’s a life magnified by raised voices and high stress. More people need to understand that and refrain from judging parents based on just a few minutes of behavior.
The truth is, your children are amazing, even when they’re acting out. It’s natural for kids to struggle with new environments and for siblings to bicker incessantly. It’s okay for kids to get messy, loud, and a bit rowdy. Testing boundaries is part of their growth (it’s a sign of trust and love).
The rowdiest kids are often the most creative and intelligent. They’re the ones who surprise you by mastering new skills in mere days. They’re the ones who concoct elaborate superhero dance routines at the crack of dawn while you’re pretending to sleep.
Your kids excel at being themselves, and you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. You’re not alone in feeling like you might lose your mind. You’re not alone in feeling utterly isolated.
Because at that very moment when you feel like you’re failing, remember that someone else is feeling the exact same way. It might even be me.
If you’re looking for additional support, check out this resource for pregnancy and home insemination, or learn how to manage stress during pregnancy here. And for those interested in the journey of parenthood, explore this guide to help you along the way.
Summary:
In moments when parenting feels overwhelming and chaotic, remember that you’re not alone. Every parent deals with loud, spirited children at times and questions their abilities. It’s crucial to recognize that these challenges are part of childhood and parenting. Embrace the chaos, knowing that others are navigating similar experiences.