Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 22, 2016
Navigating the various stages of childhood can feel like a never-ending rollercoaster. You barely survive the sleepless nights of the newborn phase, navigate the clumsiness of infancy, and try to keep up with the whirlwind of toddlerhood and early childhood. Finally, you think you’re ready for a break as your little ones become teenagers, and everyone tells you how freeing it will be.
“They’re so independent!” they say. “They can sleep in, make their own meals, and even do their own laundry! And they’ll have such vibrant personalities!” Sounds idyllic, right? Well, not for everyone, including me. I wish I could embrace this unpredictable stage of life, which I’ve come to refer to as “the tumult of adolescence.” Unfortunately, that is far from my reality.
Let’s be honest: the teen years are a whirlwind of challenges. Just when you expect a breather from the demanding stages of earlier years, you find yourself in a new kind of chaos. These years you once looked forward to? You might just wish they would hurry up and end. They are nothing like you imagined—at all.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the teenage years, you’re not alone. Many moms share your sentiments. Just like some moms dread the newborn phase while others adore it, the same applies to parenting teenagers. Some mothers revel in their teen’s evolving personalities, while others find it incredibly challenging—and I’m in the latter camp.
For me, the teen years hit like a ton of bricks. One moment, I had a sweet child, and the next, I was dealing with a moody teen whose room looked like a hurricane hit it. My once-innocent child transformed overnight into someone who resembled a college student—complete with messy rooms and an attitude that could rival a reality TV star.
From conversations with friends, I gather that this experience is quite common. One minute, you have a pleasant kid, and the next, they’re channeling their inner diva. And guess who gets to deal with it? Yep, that’s right—you.
Whether you have a son or a daughter, the teenage years can be tumultuous for any mother. If you find yourself reminiscing about the simpler times when a nap and a lollipop could fix most problems, I totally get you.
You are not alone, moms. Many of us are grappling with the frustrating and often unbearable nature of this phase. It’s perfectly normal to feel that the teen years are not your favorite. I assure you, even if you’re struggling, you are more than capable of raising decent teenagers while still wishing for some peace and quiet. Trust me on this.
Having navigated through one teen already and nearing the end with another, I am convinced I will survive the upcoming teenage years with my sanity intact—even if I don’t cherish every moment (because let’s be real, I won’t). I refuse to feel guilty for not wanting to cozy up to the moody stranger who has taken over my child’s personality or for not showering them with affection while they demolish pizzas without uttering a word of gratitude.
The key takeaway in raising teens is to not take their behavior personally. Your beloved child is still there beneath the layers of teenage angst and sarcasm. They will return to you, I promise.
My own child reemerged after a brief stint away at college. The boy who claimed he didn’t need a mom anymore transformed back into someone who genuinely sought my support. Now, he’s a young adult who appreciates me in a way that makes all those years of teenage turmoil worthwhile. It’s a feeling like no other.
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In summary, navigating the teenage years can be a challenging experience for many moms. It’s essential to remember that you’re not alone in your struggles, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Embrace the moments of connection when they return, even if it feels like a long wait.