Thank you for your thoughtful correspondence regarding the volume of our toddler’s delightful sounds. It’s always a pleasure to receive something in the mail that isn’t another bill!
Your handwritten, three-page letter was quite impressive. I apologize that we haven’t yet exchanged contact information for more consistent updates.
You noted that our child’s enthusiastic cries rouse you from slumber at 6:00 a.m. You mentioned you haven’t slept past that time, even on weekends? Given that our little one rises around 4:30, I’m relieved to know we’re managing to keep things relatively quiet!
I appreciate your generous offer to assist us in selecting a “suitable” carpet, considering your background in interior design. I wonder, what exactly qualifies as a “suitable” carpet for cleaning up after the occasional mess of poop, vomit, and spaghetti?
You suggested we take some toys outdoors. I’d be more than happy to take our toddler outside to play “smash the toy” against your air conditioning unit. Fresh air is invigorating, and nothing starts the day quite like a nutritious breakfast thrown from a high chair!
You’re correct; I did introduce myself when you first moved in and offered that you should let us know if we were too noisy. It reminds me of how your partner might say, “No, darling, you really do look great in those pleather pants.”
You can hear my “choo-choo” sounds while reading train books? Just a little reminder: the air vents work both ways. Also, I must share my thoughts—I suspect your partner may not be entirely faithful. Perhaps you should reconsider how often you call Sarah, as I believe she may not have your best interests at heart. You can always trust my word on that.
I noticed it seemed quite a challenge for you last Thursday to juggle your green smoothie, coffee, and yoga bag while teetering in heels toward your SUV. Your hair looked freshly styled, while mine, having not seen a shower in days, was also quite dry.
Oh, and don’t forget to retrieve your West Elm package left by the front door. I’d hate for my son to “accidentally” leap onto the “fragile” sticker.
Mail, right? We all appreciate it!
Best,
The Upstairs Mom
In Summary
This letter serves as a humorous response to a neighbor’s complaints about the noise from a toddler. It highlights the challenges of parenting while playfully addressing the neighbor’s concerns, all while maintaining a light-hearted tone.