I want to start by saying I’m truly sorry. It’s a sentiment I wish I could express in a multitude of ways—more deeply, more profoundly. I find myself apologizing daily for countless little things: when you stumble at the park, when I forget to bring your favorite snack, or when I have to say no to something you want. But beneath each of these small apologies lies a greater sorrow. I’m sorry for the fact that it’s just me here to hug you. I’m sorry that our family looks different from what I envisioned. I’m sorry.
You deserve a complete family, one that mirrors the joy we see in other families around us—mom, dad, and child—together. While they stand firm on three legs, we are teetering on two, vulnerable to tipping over at any moment.
Though it has been a challenging journey for me, I sense the weight of my struggles easing, fading like an old scar that no longer aches. What once felt like loss has transformed into opportunities for new beginnings. However, for you, there are losses that will stay with you throughout your life. Regardless of which parent you are with, there will always be a part of you that yearns for the other. You will navigate a life where family is divided, and it breaks my heart to know that you bear the brunt of this reality.
I remember a recent moment, walking hand-in-hand to the park under the warm sun, when you innocently asked where your brothers and sisters were. Tears welled in my eyes as I felt that familiar lump in my throat. How do I explain to you that you may never have full siblings? How do I convey that the family I imagined for you won’t materialize?
Every day, I practice letting go of those dreams, allowing unrealized futures to slip through my fingers like grains of sand. I strive to build something resilient to fill the gaps left behind, and I must support you in doing the same. As you grow and become more aware of the world, I will need to find ways to answer your questions about siblings, our two homes, and why we live apart.
You are such a remarkable child—bright, compassionate, and overflowing with curiosity. Your intelligence shines through, and it warms my heart every time you declare someone “my best friend!” after just a short conversation. I have no doubt that you will thrive. You are strong and fierce, enveloped in love, and I know you feel that. There are many kids whose parents aren’t together, so you are not alone in this experience.
Reflecting on our journey, I never imagined it would unfold this way for us. When I first held you, I never anticipated that our family would look so different from what I had hoped.
At night, when you curl up beside me or when I pack your things for a visit, I feel a mix of emotions. Your tears during parting hit me hard, and I often struggle to find the right words to explain why I can’t always be with you. I wish I could apologize more profoundly for the pain this might cause you.
I hope that we can grow strong, even from a distance. I want our family to stand tall on three legs, even if they are a bit spread out. My greatest wish is for you to never feel that you have less than others. I aspire for us to be more than just the sum of our parts, to fill that void with love and connection.
I dream of a day when I can let go of this heavy guilt. I hope that goodbyes become less painful and that our situation starts to feel normal instead of a makeshift family arrangement. I want you to have siblings, or at the very least, find that sense of closeness and shared history among friends, cousins, and your vibrant aunts and uncles.
You are alright, my sweet girl. As I soothe you during your nightmares, I repeat those words like a mantra. I see your breath steady and feel grateful for the light that spills softly onto your sleeping face.
I’m sorry…I hope…you’re okay…
In this journey of ours, embracing our new normal may take time, but I have faith that we will find our strength together.
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Summary
This heartfelt letter reflects a mother’s deep emotions as she navigates the challenges of single parenting during a divorce. She expresses her regrets, hopes, and aspirations for her daughter, emphasizing the importance of love and resilience amidst family changes.