I want to express my heartfelt apologies for the times my work keeps me away from you. I regret having to tuck you in early because my day has left me drained. I feel remorse when, during your moments of illness, my first thought is about whether I can take a day off. I’m sorry that when you’re unwell, I might not be the one to care for you at home.
I wish I could be there in the mornings to hear about your dreams, but instead, I find myself at work, longing for those shared moments. I apologize for having my lunch with colleagues rather than enjoying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with you. When your caretaker tells you I’ll be home soon, what I really want is for “soon” to turn into “now.”
I’m saddened that I must discuss matters like budgets and educational policies instead of indulging in playful chats about butterflies and princess tea parties. Instead of racing toy cars with you on the kitchen floor, I find myself ironing blouses and pencil skirts. Even when I come home, work seems to follow me, and sometimes, I feel I see my computer screen more than the sparkle in your eyes.
I’m sorry for the times I respond with, “Just one more task for work,” when you invite me to play hide-and-seek. I regret that rainy days don’t allow us to sleep in together and that weekends fly by way too fast. I often rush through preparing weeknight dinners in mere minutes, wishing we had more time for leisurely meals. I feel guilty knowing other kids have their moms dropping them off and picking them up from school while I can’t.
I apologize that my Pinterest board is filled with craft ideas we’ll likely never have the chance to do together. It’s hard to accept that I might witness your milestones later than I wish. You have to overhear your dad and me discussing our schedules about who will take you to your appointments. I wish I could be there to kiss your boo-boos instead of healing them over FaceTime.
I’m sorry that my pursuit of a career didn’t lead me to a path with fewer hours and greater financial rewards. I work hard to provide for you, ensuring you have opportunities I didn’t have growing up: family vacations, a college fund, and perhaps even some new dress-up clothes and tea sets. I want you to know that my absence is not out of choice but out of necessity.
While I knew I would need to work once I became a parent, the reality of it is far more challenging than I anticipated. My heart expands with love in your presence and aches in your absence. I often find myself feeling guilty about my career choices and the time away from you, crying myself to sleep more nights than I can count.
However, amidst my remorse, I also feel immense gratitude. I appreciate your understanding that your mom needs to work and that you recognize the life my efforts provide. I cherish that you still call me your best friend, even when it feels like we are just passing each other by. Most of all, I am thankful that when I squeeze your hand a little too tightly as we walk to the car, you respond by squeezing mine back with even more strength.
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In summary, I apologize for the time I spend away from you for work, yet I am grateful for your understanding and love.