During my first semester in college, I enrolled in calculus 101, convinced that my high school precalculus success meant I’d breeze through. I enjoyed tackling proofs and believed that attending class occasionally, studying, and completing assignments would suffice. However, I was shocked to find myself with a D on my first exam.
After a tough semester, I barely managed to scrape a C with the help of a tutor. Frustrated, I labeled myself as “not a math person,” switched my major to Spanish, and vowed never to take another math class again.
My story isn’t unique. Many students discover that college-level calculus is no walk in the park. But rather than genuinely assessing my interests or abilities, I wonder if my quick dismissal of math stemmed from a fear of struggling or, worse, failing.
In a recent article from Scientific American, author Lisa Wright discusses how the American educational system—and our culture—discourages children from pursuing STEM careers by failing to teach them how to cope with failure. She shares a story similar to mine, but instead of giving up, she embraced her setbacks, learned from them, and built a successful career in science.
While my own journey has led me to a fulfilling career in law and writing, I can’t help but think about the opportunities I may have missed by turning my back on math and science. It’s essential to consider how many others might also be limiting themselves simply because they find something challenging.
This fear of failure disproportionately affects girls and women. In a compelling TED talk, Jessica Lane, founder of Tech Girls Unite, highlighted how girls are often raised to pursue perfection while boys are encouraged to take risks. “Girls are taught to avoid mistakes,” she said. “We’re conditioned to be polite, play it safe, and achieve top grades. Boys, on the other hand, are encouraged to take risks, push boundaries, and leap into challenges.”
This apprehension towards imperfection is especially detrimental to STEM fields, which rely on trial and error for progress. Experiment, fail, innovate—this iterative process is essential for breakthroughs. Wright points out that America’s aversion to failure poses long-term risks for advancements in STEM. Although we have many scientists, a significant number are immigrants or children of immigrants. With current immigration policies becoming stricter, the future of American science may be at stake.
Wright notes that while girls excel in STEM subjects during elementary school, societal conditioning leads them to approach challenges differently as adults. An HP report revealed that men are likely to apply for jobs if they meet only 60% of the qualifications, whereas women will only apply if they meet all of them. This stark difference underscores the need for women to embrace imperfection and take risks.
Encouraging Resilience in Our Children
So how can we encourage our children—especially girls—to take risks, stumble, and learn from their mistakes? Wright emphasizes the importance of resilience, suggesting that when children understand that their intelligence can develop, they are more likely to persist in their pursuits. Praising effort rather than innate ability can foster this growth mindset.
Moreover, we must model failure for our children. By taking risks ourselves and talking openly about our own imperfections and setbacks, we can teach them that failure is not the end but rather a stepping stone to success. Wright attributes much of her resilience to older peers in her field who shared their own struggles.
Discussing failures and showcasing vulnerability is challenging, as many of us have been raised to hide our shortcomings. I often wish to project an image of perfection, but that’s simply not realistic. By leading by example and demonstrating how to navigate challenges, we empower our children to do the same, opening doors to progress and authenticity.
Ultimately, our children deserve to have those doors opened, and so do we.
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In summary, to cultivate a love for STEM in our children, we must teach them that it’s perfectly acceptable to fail. Encouraging resilience and embracing imperfection will foster a generation ready to innovate and redefine success.