Fat talk has been a part of my life since long before I had my braces removed. I always thought that once I became a mother, I would be able to break free from it. Yet, I found myself standing in front of the mirror, uttering phrases like:
- I feel so bloated today.
- Does this outfit make me look big?
- I just devoured way too much cake. I feel awful.
- Is my stomach protruding?
- I never used to have cellulite. Look at it, can you believe it?
My friends would often engage in this negative banter, upping the ante with claims about their own bodies—one even expressed her disdain for her knees. We treated fat talk like a competitive sport, driven by the unwritten rules we had absorbed throughout our lives.
- Never just accept a compliment; instead, respond with a self-deprecating remark, like “You like my dress? I love the style because it hides my backside.”
- When a friend discusses her body insecurities, be sure to one-up her with your own, making it a contest of who feels worse.
My husband found it hard to bear. Sometimes he would reassure me, calling me beautiful, while at other times, he’d choose silence. Occasionally, he would shake his head and say, “You’re not going to talk like this in front of our child, are you?” I would respond indignantly, “Of course not!”
Then our little one arrived, and I realized that giving up fat talk was not as easy as I had imagined. No matter how much I wanted my daughter to grow up with a healthy body image, I struggled to eliminate the negative self-talk.
I made excuses: She’s too young to grasp what I say. Even if she understands, she can’t speak yet, so I have time. I’ll stop soon. I always tell her that I love her little body, especially that adorable chubby tummy and her sweet pudgy thighs. She’ll be just fine; she’s not really paying attention.
But that was a lie. She has always been watching me.
When my daughter was just a few weeks old, I would lay her down on the bathroom floor while I fixed my hair and did my makeup. I’d glance down and see her eyes following my every move. At eight months, I caught her imitating me as I blew my nose. By twelve months, she was rummaging through my purse to find my lip gloss, attempting to apply it to her lips without realizing she couldn’t open the cap.
By fifteen months, she was dragging around the broom and dustpan, and now at eighteen months, she tries on my shoes and clothes, even mimicking my daily habits like saying “Okay…”—something I never noticed I did.
My daughter is observing me, and I still find myself making negative comments about my body, though less frequently than before. I would be dishonest if I claimed this shift was due to a newfound self-acceptance. In truth, it’s probably because I currently weigh less than I ever have as an adult. But that doesn’t prevent me from lamenting the changes my body has gone through since becoming a mother.
I want to believe that my body is beautiful every day—regardless of the bloating, sagging, or the lines around my eyes. I desperately want my daughter to see that it’s normal for a woman to appreciate her own beauty.
I try to limit my negative talk when she’s around. However, like animals that sense fear, I believe children can detect shame. I once thought it would be easy to embrace my body after becoming a mother, but I no longer delude myself. Body image remains a challenge, and I understand that hiding it won’t solve anything. The solution is to confront it.
For now, this means avoiding fat talk in my child’s presence, allowing her to explore my belly (as long as she doesn’t poke my belly button), and wearing a bikini at the pool—even if it takes me out of my comfort zone. Motherhood has taught me to navigate through life’s complexities and embrace the journey, because nothing is as straightforward as I once believed.
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Summary
The article discusses the pervasive issue of “fat talk,” a habit of negative self-talk regarding body image that can be damaging, especially when modeling behavior for children. The author shares personal experiences of struggling to break this cycle after becoming a mother and emphasizes the importance of fostering a healthy body image for both herself and her daughter. Through self-reflection and conscious efforts to change, the author seeks to navigate the complexities of motherhood and body acceptance.