As a mother, my goal is to nurture my daughter into a compassionate individual who considers others and fosters inclusivity. Simultaneously, I wish for her to possess the confidence to assert herself when necessary—figuratively speaking, of course. At just 10 years old, she is already learning how to navigate the often challenging dynamics between genders. It is disheartening to witness the sense of entitlement displayed by some boys, which means I find myself guiding her through the intricacies of these interactions. Thus, it becomes essential for her to be self-assured and prepared to stand her ground when the situation calls for it.
I recognize that it is my duty to equip my daughter with the tools she needs to thrive without feeling the need to apologize for her existence. The lessons I impart will stem not only from my actions but also significantly from my language. The way I communicate as a mother and a professional carries weight; my words can easily shape her internal narrative. I am dedicated to ensuring that what she hears from me today positively influences her future. By instilling these lessons early on, I hope to help her remain authentic and reduce the chances of her undermining herself as a woman.
There are certain phrases we tend to overuse, often without contemplation, which should be eliminated from our dialogue. The three terms I will no longer incorporate into my vocabulary are: flawless, merely, and small.
Flawless
Adjective. Without any imperfections or defects; entirely without fault.
I admit to having used this word frequently. Whenever my children present me with their creations—be it artwork or writing—I often find myself exclaiming, “I adore it! It’s flawless!” However, by labeling their efforts as flawless, I unintentionally promote the notion of perfectionism, a pursuit that can be detrimental. Striving for an unattainable ideal is unnecessary and can lead to frustration. As a parent, I recognize there’s no room for perfection in my life. I know I am not flawless and would never claim to be, so what message am I communicating when I tell my child that their work is flawless? Am I preparing her to cope with the reality of imperfection?
The word serves no real purpose, and there are countless alternatives. Additionally, I’ve noticed that men seldom use it. They express constructive feedback without feeling the need to label something as flawless. The last time my partner used the term was in reference to my pre-baby figure—an instance where he may have been justified.
Merely
Adverb. Only; no more than.
Using “merely” in a statement often diminishes its significance. For example, one would not say, “It’s merely tuberculosis,” as this trivializes the subject being discussed.
I have consciously decided to eliminate this word from my professional vocabulary. Women, in particular, should not have to justify their actions. Phrases like, “I’m merely following up… I was merely about to mention…” serve only to undermine our authority. We navigate the same professional landscape as everyone else; therefore, we should not feel the need to validate our actions or words.
An additional reason to avoid it? Men do not use it. They don’t send emails apologizing for following up or offer excuses when expressing their thoughts. Therefore, there is no need for us to do so either.
Small
Adjective. Limited in size, amount, or degree (often used to convey a sense of endearment or condescension).
Women everywhere should reconsider using this term to refer to themselves or their lives. There are countless words in our rich vocabulary to describe aspects of our lives. Yes, my son may be smaller in stature, but that is merely in relation to his siblings. Outside of discussing actual size, this word serves little purpose. Phrases like “her small bag…his small friend…my small family…a small creation” are modifiers that can come across as condescending. Even worse, when we apply it to ourselves, it sounds apologetic.
The language we use shapes our experiences and affects how others perceive us. By rethinking our choice of words, we can transform our interactions with the world. If these adjustments have proven beneficial for me, I hope they will also support my daughter’s journey.
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Summary:
This article emphasizes the importance of mindful language as a tool for empowerment in parenting. By eliminating terms like “flawless,” “merely,” and “small,” parents can foster a healthier self-image in their children and encourage confidence in their interactions. The author advocates for a shift in vocabulary to promote authenticity and reduce self-doubt, ultimately aiming to equip the next generation to navigate their own paths without unnecessary barriers.