Recently, I was scouring social media in my local parenting group when I stumbled upon a familiar dilemma many parents face as the holiday season begins. With the holidays around the corner, some parents expressed a need to instill a sense of gratitude in their children. The prevailing belief seems to be that kids today are overly entitled, and that they should be taught to appreciate what they have.
The suggestions given were typical but ultimately unproductive. One parent recommended removing everything from their child’s room except the mattress, while another pointed to local organizations where children could “volunteer” to learn gratitude. It’s ironic, isn’t it? Forcing kids to volunteer at shelters or donation centers as a means to teach appreciation doesn’t work. I’m here to firmly say no to performative volunteerism and the exploitation often known as poverty porn. Instead, we should focus on nurturing genuine, year-round gratitude in our children.
Growing up in the eighties, I remember how parents would insist that we eat our meals, often citing the plight of starving children in other countries. If we weren’t hungry or didn’t like what was on our plate, the response was often, “There are kids who would love to eat this.” But this approach never made us more thankful; it simply left us feeling full or dissatisfied.
In today’s digital age, I see parents not only pushing their kids to volunteer—especially during holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas—but also posting photos of these activities online. It’s a peculiar contradiction to encourage children to appreciate their blessings while simultaneously showcasing our own good deeds for likes and comments. Using those in need as props in our social media narratives is not only distasteful but also devoid of real educational value for our children.
So, how do we genuinely cultivate gratitude in our kids? Here are some alternative approaches that may work wonders:
- Create a Thoughtful Financial Plan.
My children receive a monthly allowance, which is split into 50% for spending, 40% for savings, and 10% for charitable giving. This year-round system allows them to save their donations for holiday gifts, making the act of giving exciting and meaningful. They learn that with privilege comes the responsibility to share. - Choose a Family Cause to Support.
When my kids were younger, we found that they didn’t fully appreciate the numerous gifts they received at birthday parties. We discovered a program that allows birthday buddies in foster care to receive gifts instead. This taught them the joy of giving and brought positive pride in helping others celebrate their special day. - Engage in Service Projects through Clubs and Organizations.
As kids grow, encourage them to join clubs with meaningful service projects. Aligning volunteer opportunities with their interests ensures they remain engaged. For example, my daughter, who loves art, enjoyed creating holiday-themed placemats for a local organization delivering meals to seniors. - Keep Trying Until You Find What Works.
If a financial system or volunteer project doesn’t resonate, don’t be discouraged. Explore different options until you find something that clicks. Persistence is key, and it sets a great example for your children. - Model Gratitude Yourself.
I admit that I can sometimes lean too much into complaining about trivial things. If we want our children to cultivate gratitude, we need to demonstrate it ourselves. Express appreciation openly, share your thanks with others, and show them the importance of giving back.
While volunteering at a soup kitchen or cleaning a local park can be worthwhile, forcing these activities as a form of punishment can backfire. Kids don’t experience transformative moments from a single, obligatory act of service. Instead, we should aim for consistent lessons in gratitude throughout the year—not just during the holiday season.
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Summary:
This article discusses the importance of fostering genuine gratitude in children rather than resorting to performative acts of volunteerism, especially during the holiday season. It offers practical suggestions, including establishing a thoughtful financial plan for charitable giving, choosing a family cause to support, and modeling gratitude as parents. The emphasis is on consistent, year-round practices that instill appreciation in children.