It was a hot summer day at the beach, and my children were just 2, 4, and 5 years old. I felt drained, but it was a content kind of fatigue. I was crouched down, supporting my youngest while watching him joyfully splash in the water, his little hands wielding a shovel. My back ached, and the heat was stifling, yet I knew I couldn’t take a break, as I had to keep an eye on my kids. Still, I cherished being needed. Then, in a heartbeat, my joy shifted to unease. What will happen when they grow up? What will my role be? What will life look like when they no longer rely on me?
In those early years, my days revolved around tending to their needs—bandaging scrapes, preparing meals, making sure they were warm enough, applying sunscreen, and tucking them in at night. While it was exhausting, the thought of them becoming independent was daunting; I worried about my own identity in the absence of their dependence.
I kept these feelings to myself until a friend shared that she too felt this way. Until that moment, I questioned whether my emotions were normal. It wasn’t merely about wanting my children to remain little—I was genuinely concerned about how I would handle their growing independence.
Fast forward seven years, and my children are older now, gradually pulling away to carve out their individual identities beyond the close-knit family unit we once had. So, what does motherhood look like with older kids?
It means running errands solo and being in and out in under ten minutes. It’s relishing a few extra moments in the wine aisle without worrying about breakables. It’s taking a jog, walk, or bike ride alone, telling them to text only if there’s an emergency—though they may not heed that advice. It allows for longer showers, time to do your hair, or even a relaxing soak in the tub. While interruptions still happen, they carry less weight than before.
It’s witnessing them grow overnight, suddenly a few inches taller, which serves as a reminder to appreciate every moment. It’s a bittersweet longing for those cuddly days, their adorable mispronunciations, and their tiny hands. It involves serious discussions about sex, relationships, and politics, which can feel overwhelming. It’s challenging to adapt to this new phase of parenting as they evolve, and there are moments of deep emotion when looking back at their baby books.
There’s a mix of pride and exasperation; you may feel both simultaneously. You hope you’ve made the right choices for them and trust they will make wise decisions for themselves. Sometimes, you see reflections of yourself in them, which can stir up nostalgia or take you to uncomfortable places. You can retreat to your room after telling them to make their own dinner, enjoying that moment of solitude. It involves countless drives to various activities and spending a significant amount of money on food, clothes, and sports gear.
This journey is filled with ups and downs. Some days, I long for the time when they were small and safe in their cribs. Many times, I would rather be changing diapers than dropping them off at the movies. Yet, this is the commitment we embrace—the complex journey of motherhood.
One realization I’ve made as my children have matured is that just because they are more independent doesn’t mean I am no longer needed. While I may not have to keep their heads above water, my role has shifted to something equally vital, if not more so. And I have come to appreciate this new reality in all its complexity.
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In summary, the transition from parenting young children to older kids is filled with both challenges and rewards. While the dynamics change, the need for connection and guidance remains, evolving into a different, yet equally important role.